Thoughts on these things...

R.I.P. Chip

2012-01-26T23:40:00.000-08:00

It was Saturday morning, and I hadn't heard our little dwarf hamster moving around in a while.

How's Chip doing? I asked the boys.

I don't see him. Oh, wait, there he is, Josh replied. Mom, I don't think he's moving.

Josh's voice started to get choked up as he realized our little rodent friend had passed on. He began to cry and Jason soon followed as he understood the gravity of the situation. We wrapped our arms around the boys to offer them comfort.

After a few minutes, we decided we should have a proper burial for the little critter. Josh went to his room to find a tiny white box, and Jason bravely wrapped little Chip in a paper towel and placed him inside. Then, still in our pajamas, we made our way out to the apricot tree, Patrick with shovel in hand. He dug a shallow little grave, the box was placed in the earth, and we all said how much we had enjoyed our pet. After we each put a handful of soil over the box and the hole was sealed, Josh ran across the driveway to find a smooth river rock to mark Chip's grave.

Knowing we all needed more comfort and closure, Patrick prayed and thanked God for the blessing we had had.

Chip was the third little "adoptee" animal we have taken in. We have a leopard gecko passed down from a friend. And then came our little Sophie pup. We knew when we took Chip in from another family, that he wouldn't have a lot of time, since hamsters don't live more than 2-3 years. He was already over a year old... so it was hard, but expected. We were thankful for the few months we had.

What wasn't expected was what happened this evening.

The same day Chip died, the boys wanted to get a new hamster, so we cleaned out and washed Chip's cage and headed to the pet store. We found a darling creamy-white, short-haired Syrian hamster, named him Henry, and promptly fell for him. Careful to help him adapt, we brought him some of his pet store bedding and gently played with him a few minutes each afternoon so that he'd get used to us. He was healthy and spry, and we all loved his cute personality.

This evening when we got him out of his nest, something was wrong. He wasn't inquisitive and alert. He curled up in my hand and closed his eyes. Maybe he was in a deep sleep and wasn't quite ready to play, I reasoned. Maybe he was in a "hamster trance." But that wasn't the case at all. Henry was terribly sick. I held him in a towel, keeping him warm and comfortable for the next hour and a half or so. Patrick tried to dose him some water with a little dropper, but it was too late. Before we even knew what was happening, he began gasping for air and then he died in my hands.

I am heartbroken. I don't know what went wrong. There were no signs or symptoms... it just all happened so quickly. We didn't even have a chance to have him seen by a vet. I felt so helpless, not knowing what to do for this poor animal who had quickly become part of our family.

So, as you can imagine, it has been a rough week. And there will be another burial and more tears in the morning.

Yes, life will most assuredly go on, but losing pets is never easy. Even when they're small.

I See You, I Hear You

2012-01-20T07:55:00.000-08:00

The Bravermans

Lately, we've been watching Parenthood on Netflix. At first, it was difficult, because I just couldn't see Lauren Graham as anyone else but Lorelai Gilmore... but now I am getting used to it. Sort of. Actually, not really. Anyway, that is not the point of this post.

The point of this post is that the senior Bravermans, Zeek and Camille, said something that peaked my interest. Z & C are the parents of 4 adult children and the grandparents of many more children, and they have been having some serious marital problems. In counseling, they learned the phrase, "I see you, I hear you." When Zeek gets riled up and wants to start a fight, he stops himself and says this phrase, acknowledging Camille's thoughts and feelings.

Patrick and I liked this so much that we have started using the phrase in our every day lives. See how art has become reality? We don't have a lot of tension in our marriage ~~right now~~, so we kind of just laugh when we say it and smile at each other. It's really going to come in handy someday though, so we are practicing.

When you think about it, there is such a good concept behind this phrase. We all have that desire to be seen and heard, don't we? When we share our thoughts and feelings with another person, we are opening ourselves up to them. We become so vulnerable. Will this person understand? Will they be gentle with my heart and try to really know me? Will they think I am stupid, that my ideas are lame? Will they not really hear what I am saying and insist that we do it their way without even hearing me out? Even worse, will I get a patronizing response just to make me happy so that I'll go away? Will they just talk louder so that they don't have to listen? Or will I be met with silence... just leaving all my vulnerability hanging out there in space? I think that one hurts the most of all. That one makes you just want to take it all back. And not try anymore.

When I am not seen or heard, I tend to build up brick walls around me, like a little cylindrical fortress. I leave one brick out so that I can see out, but other people can't see in. I realize this is wrong. A cylindrical fortress is stifling, dark and cold... certainly not a place that place that promotes any life or growth. I do it anyway.

But then there's God...

"O my  dove, in the  clefts of the rock, 

in the crannies  of the cliff, 

let me see your face, 

 let me  hear your voice, 

for your  voice is sweet, 

 and your face is  lovely."

Song of Solomon 2:14

My God is El Roi... "The God Who Sees." Hagar knew this out in the wilderness, rejected and resented by Sarai. She cried out to El Roi, the God who saw her, lonely and despairing. He told her to name her son, Ishmael, meaning "God Hears." He saw them and heard them in a tragic circumstance. And He let them know.

Not matter where we are, whether we are purposely hiding in the cleft of a rock or wandering in a vast wilderness or even just lost in the masses, we are assured that God sees us and hears us. This is who He is. The God who is tender with us, like a dove. He who gently persuades us to emerge so that He can listen to us and look upon our vulnerability with His tenderness and love.

I see you, I hear you, He gently tells His beloved.

I will not make fun of you.

I will not brush you off.

I understand what you are feeling... I have felt that, too.

Tell me about your thoughts.

I have noticed your struggles, how can I help?

I am right here beside you... I won't leave.

You can trust me.

With everything.

I love you.

I see you.

I hear you.

The House I'm Building

2012-01-18T13:20:00.000-08:00

I was feeling pretty good on Sunday. After church, I said, let's head north... so we did. A spontaneous adventure. We live relatively close to Hearst Castle, but we hadn't been since our honeymoon eighteen years ago. Scurrying, we caught the last bus for the six mile ride up the winding hillside, overlooking the sparkling blue Pacific.

We were greeted by the familiar edifices I remembered. The ornate construction. The European influences. The extraordinary architecture. Relics of old mixed with modern conveniences.

Each space superbly engineered. Attention to every last detail. A marvel, really, to consider how these artifacts and raw materials were transported to this remote location to create a modern day palace.

Foliage entwined with concrete and tile. Details reaching even beneath the eaves.

The indoor Roman pool completely covered in mosaic tiles. Gold leaf accenting the cobalt blues.

The stunning Neptune pool, surrounded by colonnades, beckons even the fully clothed swimmer.

There were many important and influential women in William Randolph Hearst's life. His mother, who inspired his love of European architecture and antiquities through a grand tour of Europe. His wife, Millicent. Their honeymoon inspired the desire to publish his first magazine, starting his media empire. She also gave him the legacy of 5 children. Marion Davies, his girlfriend (bummer), who was perhaps his muse.

But the relationship that truly intrigues me is that with Julia Morgan, the master architect, who partnered with Hearst for 28 years to build the elaborate buildings and grounds known today as Hearst Castle. I can scarcely imagine the degree of commitment and ingenuity it must have taken for the two of them to pull off such an incredible dream, leaving behind them a legacy of dedication and beauty for the world to enjoy.

While I have never had the desire (or talent or resources- ha!) to build something of such grandeur, I want to build my own home with such deliberation and care.

"The wise woman builds her house,  

but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." 

Proverbs 14:1

Although my physical house will never boast such affluence, the home I'm building can exemplify so much of God's riches. Towers of praise-filled prayers, exalting His name. Choice words like golden apples that build my family up. A place to refresh and feel renewal, like the cool, shining waters of the Neptune pool. Comforting arms, instead of rich, velvet chairs. Peace-filled conversations, like beautifully appointed gardens.

That type of building takes years and years of dedication and commitment, too. It takes the partnership of two people, who are willing to see a purpose bigger than themselves, who are willing to overcome obstacles along the way, to gracefully wade through the mundane, and to keep working toward what would seem impossible this side of heaven. Morgan and Hearst ended up redoing the outdoor pool three times before they were satisfied with the scale and ultimate resulting beauty and function. Sometimes it is necessary to do that to, too... to return to a solid foundation and rebuild firm and true.

Ultimately, I want God to be the master architect of my home. I want to draw from His beauty, wealth, depth, and creativity.

I know that what He establishes will last.

Friday Favorites

2012-01-13T10:07:00.000-08:00

source: middlechildcomplex.tumblr.com via andeeeve on pinterest

Sweet Andee over at Bearing Fruit

gave me a blogging award last week.

Have you met her yet? She is adorable, spunky and crafty.

She also loves being a part of God's Kingdom work...

ministering to oppressed women and helping them to be set free.

I love that. It inspires me.

There are rules for this award, but I don't feel like following rules today.

I'm such a rebel, aren't I?

But I would like to share with you a couple other "new to me" blogs that I found just in the past year

that have also been inspirational in my life.

Hannah at Happy Days

Hannah encourages me so much with her happy personality and all the Scripture and heartfelt words she posts.

She makes me smile.

Leslie at Top of the Page

I love her Grace on a Thursday. She has such a beautiful way of weaving truth and grace into my life.

I look forward to it.

Tamera at TameraBeardsley.com

Tamera is an amazing artist.

She has a keen eye for beauty and makes jewelry.

I'm learning from her as she is in a transitional stage in her life.

Ok, I'll follow one of the rules by filling out this form.

form:

1. name your fave song

"in your eyes" by peter gabriel (patrick's & my song)

"amazing grace (my chains are gone)" by chris tomlin

2. name your fave dessert

chocolate. period.

3. what ticks you off

when peeps are judgmental (stole this from Andee)

especially because i can be this way if i don't watch it

4. when i'm upset i...

sometimes have a tantrum

pray and tell God about it

ask for help from my loved ones

5. what's your fave pet

sophie, my little chihuahua/terrier mix

she has a great story you can read about here

6. black or white

black

7. biggest fears

snakes

pleasing people instead of God

8. everyday attitude

i want it to be joyful and loving

some days i make it, and some days i start again tomorrow

9. what is perfection

the truth and grace of God in equal measure

10. guilty pleasure

dancing with the stars? :)

If you'd like to play along, link back to Andee's original post for all the official rules, k?

I'll leave you with one more favorite for your weekend.

I adore this video.

It is pure smiles.

Random January Outfits

2012-01-11T07:00:00.000-08:00

WIWW #20

Here are some random outfits.

I think some of them may be from December, but don't tell.

Hat: Handmade; Top: Thrifted Anne Klein; Tank: Ross; Jeggings: (gift) Walmart;

Boots & Socks: (gift) Macy's

I crocheted this hat myself... with my own bare hands.

Last year, I decided I needed to learn to crochet before I turned 40, so I learned on YouTube.

If ever you decide you don't want to do your hair or put on any makeup,

wear a hat and some boots and no one will notice.

The art of distraction.

At least I think they won't notice... people are probably too nice to say.

Cardigan: Marshalls; Dress: F21; Tank: Nordstrom Rack;

Belt: Goodwill; Boots: Macys; Earrings: ??; Necklace: Vintage Pic N' Save

I wore this on Christmas Eve, but let's just pretend I wore it for New Year's or something.

Like I went to an amazing party and I was out dancing 'til 3am.

Ya... I went to bed at 10:30.

Anyway, I love this dress... I got it on clearance for about $11.

I heart it and it makes me smile. And it's very "me" when I want to be loud.

Cardigan: Target; Dress: Ross; Leggings: Walmart; Bag: Made by my SIL;

Shoes: Naturalizers; Necklace: Lisa Leonard

This outfit I definitely wore in January.

This was my anniversary weekend... 18 years of wedded bliss.

I wrote a whole post about marriage and purity and stuff here if you're interested.

Since I've been dealing with chronic illness so long, it's been a long while since I rode a bike.

Patrick got the great idea to rent a bike and he pedaled me all over the place.

It was so very fun... loved every second!

Every single person we passed smiled or waved...

I think tandem bikes are kind of like boats and trains, they are just sentimental and fun!

Later, I put on this infinity scarf, because it's super cold in California, you know.

I crocheted this with my bare hands as well, so that I could brave the harsh winter.

Sorry, I really would share the sunshine with you if I could!!

Hope you are all keeping warm and having a great New Year!

Adulthood

2012-01-09T13:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Patrick and I celebrated our anniversary. It's been eighteen years already... our marriage is an adult. I'm so proud. In some ways the years have flown by so quickly, and in others it seems like the day I walked down the aisle to meet my sweetheart's tearful gaze was a lifetime ago. We have literally grown up together, clinging to one another as we've navigated life's sometimes exhilarating and other times turbulent waters.

Recently, my parents gave me a painting that has hung in their home for many years. It was painted by an artist who lived in the town Patrick and I grew up in. As I was taking it from wall to wall, I decided it would look best above a little chest of drawers where wedding photographs of Patrick and I sit. Looking at the grouping together, I began to notice the lush trees and meadows and then the fence which worked its way into the horizon.

Patrick and I didn't always have clear fences around the flourishing garden of our marriage. As insanely and passionately in love as we were when we married at 22 and 23, I don't think we ever thought to protect our marriage. Love would carry us through anything, we naively must have thought. Divorce wasn't a part of our vocabulary. We would never betray one another.

"Catch the foxes for us, 

the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, 

for our vineyards are in blossom."

Song of Solomon 2:15

But like a child needs boundaries and guidelines to keep him safe from harm, marriages need fences, too. Within the first few years of our marriage, we learned that neither of us was immune to the charms and attention of another man or woman. It happened to me first. I worked with a man I allowed myself to become to close to... just a friendship I thought. Only I had no clear boundaries. We became far to familiar with one another, spending too much time alone. One day, I realized that although it was never my plan, I had led myself straight into temptation.

I was too fearful to tell Patrick. Even though I hadn't acted on anything, I couldn't believe I had let my guard down and even ventured as far as I had in friendship. Some of the emotional intimacy that should have been Patrick's alone, I now was sharing with someone else. So I turned down a future job opportunity, and thus erected a fence that should have already been in place.

Had I been vulnerable and told Patrick at the time, we would have seen to the tending of many fences. We would have avoided a similar circumstance occurring in his life only a couple of years later.

There is a very sly fox who would like nothing more than for brides and grooms to get so wrapped up in their love that they think they are immune to the spoiling of their vineyards, lush meadows, and blooming gardens. He who seeks to devour the fruit of God's covenantal love is relentless in his desire to put asunder what God has firmly planted.

As our marriage has grown up, we have realized how important it is to tend to the fertile ground of our love. We have erected fences of many kinds. We don't travel or have meals alone with people of the opposite sex. Guarding the intimacy of our marriage, there are some things we only tell each other, some jokes only between us, and a vulnerability cultivated only within the confines of our relationship. Unabashedly flirtatious, we banter with one another, and make sure we are uninterested nerds to everyone else. Even, and especially, spiritual intimacy of a certain level is reserved only for one another, because God's word promotes intimacy like nothing else.

Through the years, we have also learned a lot about watching out for the little foxes that would come and spoil our fruit. Sometimes even "good" things like relationships, ministries, career ambitions and the like can begin to spoil the vineyard. There have been times that God has painfully removed us from a situation or had us build a protective fence in a relationship to help our marriage to continue growing in abundance.

Within the fences themselves, we also have learned to continually cultivate the garden. To water it with time and attention. To shine upon it with the warmth of love and respect. To admire the beauty that God is growing in it, simply laughing, having fun and enjoying it. And to allow Him to prune in areas that have gone a bit wild or aren't producing good fruit.

And then, of course, there is maintaining a fertile ground through physical intimacy. Oh how the enemy tempts us to buy into physical oneness, devoid of a true commitment, before vows are exchanged. Then he tempts us to neglect the gift that it is once we've been married for a while... when life gets in the way. Yet God has created the marriage garden to bloom in safety in an undefiled bed in which we have no fear and are unashamed. Where we can comfort one another and express committed love and intimacy, to the extent which we do in no other relationship.

"My beloved has gone down to his garden to the beds of spices,

to graze in the gardens and to gather lilies.

I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine;

he grazes among the lilies."

Song of Solomon 6:2-3

There is some scandalous Biblical authority for you. God has crafted such a beautiful plan for marriage. Wait for it, until it is sealed by vows, and then cultivate it and guard and protect it once it has been sealed. I want a garden that is vibrant and full of beautiful blooms, a respite from the world, that declares God's glory.

Do you, friend? How does your garden grow?

Praying for life, beauty and strong fences in your relationships.

A Dilemma?

2012-01-06T07:20:00.000-08:00

source

I think there may be two or three men who read my blog... my husband, who won't care about this post and maybe one or two other guys. So to the one or two other guys, you may want to skip this feminine post. Consider yourselves duly warned.

Yesterday, I went to the doctor for my annual. Except that it wasn't really an "annual" since I hadn't gone since Jason was born which was, ahem.... six and a half years ago. I know, I'm bad. Please don't follow my poor example. Get yourselves checked out regularly. Early detection and avoiding bad stuff like cancer and all that.

Anyway, the doc (whom I happen to like a lot... he's helped me with hormonal balancing and such) said things were looking just fine, and he didn't expect anything abnormal to come back on my test results either. Oh, good. But then he said something kind of interesting.

Have I talked to you about bras yet, he asked.

Well, no, I don't think so.

He then informed me that he doesn't recommend them. He talked about lymph glands and such. Said some stuff about women's bodies being healthier without them and that they didn't have any bearing on sagging. He gave me some statistics that kind of flew around my head.

Trying not to look perplexed, I laid there in my flimsy pink gown trying to process this information.

Have you ever seen Joe Versus the Volcano? There's a character who repeatedly says, "I have no response to that." I think her name is Angelica.

I was laying there on the exam table thinking. Hmmm... not wear a bra. Then in my head, in my Angelica voice I thought... I have no response to that. I just don't. I mean, where do I begin. I have heard and read a lot of medical advice in the past year, but this one was just unexpected.

Consequently, I began having visions of myself at a Joan Baez concert dressed in a flowy, embroidered tunic with a garland of daisies adorning my head. I was singing Kumbaya and frolicking in the tall grass with the earth squishing between my toes. It was sort of nice, I guess.

But then I envisioned myself after the concert in normal clothes, and that wasn't as nice. I was crossing my arms a lot and looking down awkwardly. The people in this vision were also looking down awkwardly. It was all very awkward.

So I am quite unsure what to do with this advice. Are you feeling as awkward as I am? Does this call for a bra burning? I am so perplexed.

Please tell me your thoughts.

Kisses

2012-01-05T10:01:00.000-08:00

My little Jason is adorably affectionate.

Lately, he has a new way of kissing.

I think he and his dad came up with this new method.

He kisses me on each cheek.

Then he holds up his hand and pinches his fingers to his thumb...

and says,

"Fantastico!"

Melts my heart and makes me smile.

The Christmas Gangster

2011-12-30T11:02:00.000-08:00

A couple years ago, Josh got really excited about Nerf guns and Transformers.

He and his uncle decided to make a Christmas Gangster movie.

(This is what happens when you are surrounded by boys at Christmas.)

Josh wrote it, his dad directed it, and his uncle edited it.

This year he decided that the Christmas Gangster should return,

so he has been thinking about a new plot line for the past two months.

I was cast for the sequel.

I got to play an alien goddess and a Russian girlfriend.

Disclaimer: Our family does not promote violence at Christmas time
or at any other time of the year.
No gangsters were hurt in the filming of this production.

Happy New Year!

Post Christmas Edition

2011-12-28T09:06:00.000-08:00

WIWW #19

Finally managed to send out a Christmas card this year.

Here's the photo.

Don't you like "Mr. Cross Your Arms"??

Sweater & Tunic: Tommy Hilfiger outlet; Jeggings: Walmart; Necklace: Van Heusen outlet;

Belt: Forever 21; Bandalino Boots: Gift, Macy's

My dad couldn't understand why I wanted to stand in front of his weathered fence.

It's rustic... just trust me on this. So he took the shot, despite his better judgment.

Silk Shirt: Thrifted Calvin Klein; Necklace: Van Heusen Outlet; Slacks: ??; Shoes: Nine West

I got this necklace when I was Christmas shopping.

It was 80% off and another 30% off that... practically free. Wohoo!

I think this outfit could have used a faux fur vest like Tamera's,
but I didn't happen to have one on hand.

Christmas day we went to my folks.

We had a yummy dinner and did a Hanukkah/Christmas devotional.

Yes, we celebrate both.

Then, the return of the holiday pictures for maximum entertainment value.

I was getting some gifts at Michaels and I came across some Christmas colored pipe cleaners.

So naturally I thought... perfect for some design your own Christmas glasses.

Just look at this creativity.

From left to right: Snowy Designer Cool, Engineer Elf, Christmas Tree Elf, Star of David Eyes, Candy Cane Alien, The Christmas Super Hero, and Mr. & Mrs. Claus

Thoughtful in our glasses

Reindeer Ears

Mele Kalikimaka

I can't tell you how much fun that was.

I almost peed my pants.

Jacket: Vans Outlet; Tunic: Thrifted; Jeggings: Walmart;

Boots & Socks: Macy's; Necklace: Etsy

My parents got this locket necklace for me for Christmas.

I love it! It's from Linkel Designs on Etsy.

I can't wait to put some photos of my peeps in it.

And that's it!

Did you have a good holiday season?

Any plans for New Years?

Merry Christmas to All...

2011-12-25T22:46:00.000-08:00

And to all a good night!

I hope you and your families had a wonderful day.

I certainly did.

I watched this video with my family four times today.

I can't stand how cute and hilarious it is.

There is nothing like Christmas through the eyes of a child!

His Marvelous Light

2011-12-24T13:52:00.000-08:00

"Light of the world,

You came down into darkness,

Opened my eyes,

Let me see..."

For my birthday, my parents gave me a light scoop for my camera.  You see, I love how light is used in capturing images, but I hate flash photography.  I don't like the glare that the light casts on people.  It gives people demon red eyes and highlights people's flaws.  The idea of a light scoop is to affix a mirrored attachment to the flash.  The light then bounces off the mirror, onto the ceiling and diffuses the light, so that the photo is illuminated, but natural looking.  The harsh flash is softened and complements the person you are capturing on film.

"But you are  a chosen race,  a royal  priesthood,  a holy  nation,  a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the  excellencies of him who called you  out of darkness into  his marvelous  light." 1 Peter 2:9 

I love that Jesus came as light in our dark world... to call us out of the darkness of our sin.  And I don't think He came to shine a glaring light on us... to humiliate us, but instead to humble us and call us into His healing and holiness.  

Sometimes His light in our lives is powerful, like a bolt of lightening.  
Sometimes it shines His glory through our cracked and broken vessels.  
Sometimes it is softly reflected in His creation.  
Sometimes it illuminates in the form of truth and grace.  
Sometimes it is a sharp laser of conviction. 
Sometimes it brings healing to our wounds like the sun.  
Sometimes it purifies like a fire.

Jesus is radiant.
"In him was life, and the life was the light of men. 
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." 
John 1:4-5
This Christmas, I am exceedingly thankful for the light of Jesus.  Pushing away the darkness in my life.  Illuminating my dark corners.  Continuing to lead me into His glorious light.

I pray you know His light, friends.  That His brilliance is reflected in you in the year to come.  Like the moon reflects the sun.  That He shines through your cracks, brings healing to your wounds, and purifies your hearts.

Shine, Lord Jesus, Shine.

 

Candy Cane Conversation

2011-12-20T19:36:00.000-08:00

source

The kids and I were driving around this afternoon, doing some errands and mailing Christmas cards.

Do you know about how the candy cane came to be, I asked.

Oh, yeah... the Legend of the Candy Cane or something, they replied.

I think the white stands for how Jesus washed our sin as white as snow, Jason eagerly interjected.

Yeah, and the red is for His blood, Josh added.

Oh, and the shape is like a "J" for Jesus.

And it's also like a shepherd's staff, 'cause we are such knuckleheads, laughed Josh.

That statement got quite a rise out of Jason. He started to cry.

I am NOT stupid, he screeched. I don't want to be called a knucklehead!!

Oh, honey, I explained, of course you aren't stupid! You are very smart. One of the names Jesus goes by is "The Good Shepherd," that's all. We are like His sheep. You know how sheep sometimes wander off... that's going astray. The shepherd has to find them and guide them back with his staff so that they won't be eaten by wolves.

Hmmm... said Jason, still unconvinced.

Do you ever make a bad choice and do something you weren't supposed to do?

Well, yeah, he replied.

Then you went astray, and Jesus is the Shepherd that rescues you and helps you to make better choices.

Alright, but I still don't want to be called a knucklehead!

How about my little sheep, then.

Ya... okay.

Christmas-ey Edition

2011-12-14T09:08:00.000-08:00

WIWW #18

Tis the Season.

This weekend I went to a couple fun Christmas events.

Sweater & Tunic: Marshalls; Jeggings: Walmart; Socks & Boots: B'day gifts from Macy's;

Earrings: Lisa Leonard Designs

I went to a Christmas concert with my friend, Judith. Isn't her skirt pretty?

This embroidered tunic I'm wearing keeps shrinking.

I'm bummed about that, cause it's a favorite.

It's starting to cut off the circulation in my armpit region,

but I will wear it until my arms turn completely purple.

Won't that be a pretty sight?

Sweater: ?; Skirt: Casual Corner Outlet; Tights: Target; Shoes: Nine West Outlet

Wore this for my son's school Christmas party.

I love this skirt. I've had it for at least 13 years.

It is soft and suede-like, and I'll wear it until I can't fit in it anymore!

This year I paired it with plum colored tights.

I wish you could see the clash... sorry about the bad lighting!

Never thought of wearing purple and red together, but I really liked it!

Do you ever mix weird colors?

Gift from my mom

And these are my Christmas socks.

I put them on, and then I raise my eyebrow and say this to the kids...

"Run, run as fast as you can,

I'm gonna catch you,

cause I'm the Gingerbread Mom."

They squeal and run.

And when I catch them, I give them a big Christmas kiss!

Three Little Birds

2011-12-12T11:16:00.000-08:00

Scaling the Mountain: Part 3

Part of "A Journey to Charis"

My Journey to Charis has been a long one. I continue the journey, seeking to thrive in God's grace and mercy towards me... to find my strength in Him. Along the way, I have been dealing with so many issues with my body, they can't really even be categorized as a single illness. Adrenal insufficiency, Hashimoto's thyroiditis, allergies, leaky gut syndrome, autoimmune issues, systemic viral activity, neurological imbalances, heart inconsistencies, chronic fatigue, chronic headaches, hormonal imbalances, clinical depression and anxiety. Try wrapping that all up into one nice, tidy little diagnosis! I tell people I have a polyglandular autoimmune disorder, just to attempt to give it some type of neat label.

Last spring, in the midst of my greatest season of suffering, God began to send me birds. I often spent my days in bed during those months. It was then that I began to notice a little hummingbird outside my window. It would vigorously flap it's little wings darting around among the delicate stalks of my lavender bush, taking it's fill of nectar before darting away as quickly as it had come. I began to watch for it every day, and relished seeing it's beauty so close, just beyond the pane of glass.

Not too long after, I began to notice a common gray and brown sparrow at the sliding glass door at the back of the house. He would tap on the glass with his sharp little beak, as if to ask for an invitation inside. As I came to the door, he would cock his head to the side and watch me with his tiny, dark eyes. Hello, I would respond, and watch him in return. Then he would hop, hop and flutter away.

Before long, at the other end of the house, I began to notice the rapid flutter of wings and an accompanying bird cheep every time the front door was opened. With great vocal discord, she would sit on the roof cheeping until we closed the door again. We discovered she had built a little nest covered within the branches of a topiary we had at our front door. She filled the nest with eggs, and was lovingly caring for them. One day, she actually flew in the house itself. My brother-in-law tenderly caught her and held her. He carefully gave her to Jason and he, in turn, lifted his chubby five year old hands above his head, her wings tickling his fingers, and let her fly free.

We have never had quite such an encampment of birds surrounding our home. I began to watch for them, and enjoy their frequent comings and goings.

One day, I was once again in bed, and I began to hear the sweet strains of a song I had not heard before. Jason had learned it at school for a folk program. Go sing that to your mom, Patrick urged him. His feet came happily padding down the hallway and he announced that he had a song to sing.

Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou"

Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Tears began to stream down my face as my baby boy sang to me in his pure, sweet voice. I knew that simple phrase "every little thing gonna be all right" was a message straight from the Lord. He had brought it to our doorstep the first time through Menachem's visit. Now, He was reminding me, through the visits of all these tiny birds and my son's music, that He hadn't forgotten His promise to me. Everything would be ok in His timing. The darkness would not last forever.

That song has since become an anthem in our home. My sons sing it to me to remind me that God has a plan. My husband notices it on the radio and reminds me that Jesus is giving us a gift.

Even on my most trying days, I have the reminder that every little thing is gonna be all right. He will make things right... perhaps different than they once were, but right according to His plan. He cares about every little thing.

Bob Marley - Three Little Birds from Elad Ford on Vimeo.

Psalm 103

2011-12-08T09:41:00.000-08:00

"Bless

the Lord,

O my soul,

and all that is within me

bless his holy name!

Bless the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits,

who forgives all your iniquity,

who heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit,

who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,

who satisfies you with good

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

The Lord keeps bringing this Psalm to my attention. I need it.

He has done these works in the past.

I am looking for how He is accomplishing these things in the present.

I need to bless Him and not forget.

He has done great things.

He is doing great things.

He will do great things.

Because He is God.

Decking the Halls

2011-12-05T18:15:00.000-08:00

It's starting to look festive around the house. I was hoping to get going on Christmas decorations last week, but there was the little thing of a kidney stone to pass and getting knocked out with a nasty cold on top of it. I was lying on the crinkly paper at the doctor's office curled up in pain, and I just had to laugh. This has been quite a year. But my humor is returning, and I'm very thankful for that, and for God's deliverance and healing... little by little.

Here's our little advent calendar. I think it's my favorite and the boys', too.

I bought the wooden calendar at Target about 3 years ago. The mini tree is from Michaels.

I also found sets of tiny wooden ornaments (nativity & toys) at Michaels, and we put one behind each door.

In the past I have put little activity slips behind many of the doors and verses.

This year we are trying something different.

I found a Jesse Tree advent booklet on Ann Voskamp's site.

I subscribed to her blog and they sent me a link for a free download.

Each day has a scripture to read, a devotional, and a simple activity you can choose to do.

We are having to catch up, since it actually starts in November, but we are loving it.

It's definitely not too late to start... just double up or skip a couple days.

The booklet is pretty big, and I'm thinking of having it bound at Office Max so that we can use it every year.

We aren't doing an actual Jesse tree with the devotional,

(although Ann has ornament print outs that correspond with the devotionals)

but...

Here's our big tree!

(It's fake... can you tell?)

The boys love putting it up and say cute things like... "Oh, the memories."

And here are some of my favorite ornaments.

I think my friend, Shelly gave me all three of these and I adore them!

I have looked for other beaded ornaments like the horse, but never come across any... where does one get these?

The ball shows Bethlehem and has been painted from inside... such a pretty scene.

And I love the caroler, because I love singing... especially beautiful choir music that glorifies God.

This year my friend Rachel gave me this ornament for my birthday.

I HEART snowflakes!!

I've had the little clothespin since preschool... my mom may have made it. Isn't she cute?

Charlie Brown came along in elementary school... I love "A Charlie Brown Christmas," don't you?

And the Christmas robot has recently joined the family. I don't know why but I really dig him.

I really adore these kinds of ornaments... the kids faces and stuff they've made out of popsicle sticks.

Jason is seen here surround by his favorite color... orange!!

And this is a preschool Josh, wearing his little AWANA Cubbies vest.

Some years I do a lot of wintery creams and whites, but this year there's lots of reds and greens.

If I confess this, don't hate me, but I don't like "The Nutcracker."

Nutcrackers, yes... the ballet, no. Aren't I just a Scrooge??

We have a couple simple nativities, but this is my favorite.

This was given to Patrick and I as a wedding gift from my brother-in-law's grandmother.

She was such a very special lady who loved God with all her heart.

Isn't this a precious gift?

My mom has given us some special Christmas books over the years.

Have you read "The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey" and "A Cup of Christmas Tea" yet?

They are my favorites! And I cry ever single time I read them... just such sweet stories.

Sometimes we even do a little tea party with hot cocoa and the boys' Webkinz animals as we read.

Do you have any favorite Christmas stories?

Have you seen what Sara over at Simply Sara has done with her Christmas books? So cute!

Apparently people are starting new "Elf on a Shelf" traditions.

I'm not sure what this is, but I did get out my vintage elves that my mom handed down...

just in case we want to get involved.

I know for sure we'll be watching the movie "Elf"... it's a favorite!

And I'm going to buy the DVD edition of "Little Women," (the Winona Ryder version)
cause my VHS is wearing out.

A few years back, I asked what everyone's favorite Christmas movie was.

I also asked everyone if "Little Women" counts as a Christmas movie, and everyone said it did.

So it's my favorite... what's yours?

Lastly, I need to switch out my fall wreath for a wintery one.

I'm trying to ignore the fact that one son is on the roof and the other has no shirt.

I guess that is how the manly people decorate.

Do you have any special traditions you are looking forward to?

What's going on over at your place this December?

Kryptonite People

2011-12-01T19:03:00.000-08:00

source

I grew up watching the Superman series with Christopher (Can You Read My Mind?) Reeves. By the time I got married, the Lois and Clark series was in its first season, and Patrick and I became avid watchers. It was our show. There was even a group of fans as devoted as we were called FOLC 's... Friends of Lois and Clark. I'll bet you didn't know such nerdom existed, did you?

Anyhow, because of all this Superman background, I have a very good knowledge of Kryptonite. It's that glowing green (well, sometimes red and other colors... sorry, nerd alert) element... the radioactive remains of Superman's home planet, Krypton. If you've seen Superman around this element, you know that it does not affect him well at all. Suddenly, his super powers are zapped away, he grabs his head in pain, and dissolves into a heap on the floor. The essence and strength of who he is disappears and you feel so sorry for him. Then the bad guys take over and start plotting and executing their evil plans.

source

I don't know about you, but over the years, I've struggled with Kryptonite people in my own life. Not that these people are evil villians with maniacal plots per se, but when I am around them, I am not at all myself. Or I become the worst version of myself imaginable. For some reason they push my buttons and weaken my resolve. I can't think straight, I become irritated, and I say things I don't mean (or maybe I meant them, but shouldn't have said them). I go into the bathroom and take an Advil and comb down the hair standing up on my neck. I look in the mirror and say to myself, "Linda, you can do this." And then I walk out with my legs feeling like Jell-0.

Do you have any of these Kryptonite people in your life? Sometimes they show up specifically at holidays. When everyone else is laughing and smiling and having a Norman Rockwell celebration, you are in a proverbial heap in the corner.

Just like Superman insulates himself against the powers of Kryptonite with some type of lead box, I sometimes have had to think about insulating myself spiritually as well. I don't want this Kryptonite effect to be an area were the enemy gets in and starts to put a wedge in my heart.

First, I ask God to deal with my own heart. What fears, insecurities, bitterness, anger, or unforgiveness may be festering there? I want to be clean. I want to confess what may be darkening my heart and let God's light shine instead.

Search me, O God, and know my heart!
    Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
   and lead me in the way everlasting! 

Psalm 139:23-24

Next, I think about putting on the armor of God (Ephesians 6:11-17) because I know I'm going into a spiritual battle.

Put on the whole armor of God, 
that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.

Ephesians 6:11

Then I pray through Romans 12:9-21. I want love to come from Him and I want it to be genuine. I want to see others through His eyes, instead of my own. I want Him to be strong in the weakness I feel.

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; 

hold fast to what is good. 

Love one another with brotherly affection. 

Outdo one another in showing honor.

Romans 12:9-10 

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Romans 12:18 

I also remind myself that as much as I want to be at peace with everyone, it all doesn't depend on me. Maybe that Kryptonite person doesn't just push my buttons, but has really brought out the red variety... they have truly sinned against me in some way. It is up to me to forgive that person. It is up to me to let go of bitterness or resentment toward them.

But... there is always the other side that I have no control over. Maybe they just keep offering more Kryptonite instead of a desire for peace and reconciliation. Forgiveness I can choose to do, but reconciliation is a two-sided proposition. Reconciliation requires repentance, truth and grace, and both sides choosing to live peaceably with one another.

For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God 
by the death of his Son, 

much more, now that we are reconciled, 
shall we be saved by his life. 

More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 

through whom we have now received reconciliation.  

Romans 5:10-11

Jesus offered us, His own Kryptonite people, forgiveness for our sins through His birth and sacrifice of His life on the cross. We, however, have to confess our sins, receive His forgiveness, and reconcile our lives to Him. That is the only way we have a true, peaceable, loving relationship with our Creator and Savior.

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And that is the only way we can have a relationship with a red Kryptonite person as well. Both parties have to let Jesus come in and lock it all up in a lead box for true relationship to be restored. That takes some doing... and I'd venture to say, even some testing, to make sure that person has truly given up all their Kryptonite and it's safe to be so close to them. Sometimes that even takes time apart, just like Joseph tested the brothers who sold him into slavery and told his father he was dead. He kept his distance and tested those brothers to see if their hearts had really changed. True reconciliation isn't just forgetting the past, but it is true repentance and forgiveness on each side that stands the test of time. Then Jesus' love can truly be that lead box, covering over the multitude of sins and letting His glory shine.

Do you have any green or red Kryptonite people in your life?

How do you handle those situations?
What are your thoughts on these things?

Are You a Scarf Person?

2011-11-30T08:20:00.000-08:00

WIWW #17

Jacket: Thrifted; Scarf: a street vendor; Top: Marshalls; Jeans: Walmart; Boots: Birthday gift

I'm starting to pull out the scarves.

Most of the time it's not really cold enough to wear scarves in California,

but I just pretend I'm in Boston, because I like them.

Have you seen the scarf video yet?

If you have ever wondered how to tie a scarf in a different way,

wonder no more!

Top: Marshalls; Tank: Nordstrom Rack; Jeans: Thrifted Tommy Hilfiger; Wedges: Clarks

Just when I think I can wear more scarves, it gets hot and I'm pulling out sandals again.
Sorry... I know I need to quit complaining!
I don't have to shovel snow... I am very grateful for that!!

Dress: Ross; Tights: Target; Same boots: Bandolino

This one is for Susan. She read my last post and told me to post this outfit for WIWW.

So I found a pic I had with my parents.
Aren't they cute?

They have been married for 57 years.

They live 8 houses up the street from me.

A lot of people think that is crazy.

I think it is awesome!

Photo Op

2011-11-27T16:44:00.000-08:00

Do you have any holiday traditions?

We have this photo op thing that we do.

It always starts out pretty normally...

By the end, we may as well be on some ride at Disneyland.

It's pretty fun.

There's always some type of jumping involved.

My brother-in-law had to work, but he drove up unexpectedly after a 5 hour plane flight.

When he got here, he didn't ask about the turkey...

he wanted to know if we already did the photos.

They are that much of a tradition.

We ended up taking photos with him the next day.

We're all giving him the thumbs up, cause he was in The Muppets.

It was the first time he wasn't a terrorist or a murder victim, so the kids got to go.

The movie was hilarious... we laughed ourselves silly.

Alvin is in the anger management scene, and you can see him in back of Jack Black

for all of about 3.7 seconds before the fight breaks out.

When we got back, he said I should take his new-to-him car on a "love cruise" with Patrick.

You are actually going to allow me to drive this? I asked.

He apparently hasn't read about my tendency to do donuts in vacant lots.

But who was I to argue with his wishes.

Ummm... this car has serious power.

Could go 80 mph with just a slight tap on the gas pedal kind of power.

(Not that I did or anything.)

It was exhilarating!!

Nothing against my sweet van, but I think I might need one of these, someday!

I think a Mustang would go really well with my ballet flats, don't you?

It's a total mom car, right?

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-21T07:13:00.000-08:00

Pilgrim Josh and his friend Carissa

Let us come into His presence with thanksgiving;

let us make a joyful noise to Him with songs of praise!

Psalm 95:2

I hope you and your friends and loved ones have a wonderful week!

Fabulous Forty

2011-11-16T06:34:00.000-08:00

WIWW # 16

The Birthday Edition

Today is my birthday. The BIG 4-0. I've lived 4 decades.

I've reached fabulous forty!

Tunic: Ross; Belt: F21; Jeggings: Walmart; Shoes: Naturalizers

I stopped dying my hair last year.

Now I have my very own unplanned ombre treatment and I'm starting to sport a nice little streak of gray.
I earned every bit of my gray.

I might try and get a big enough streak going so I can be like Stacy London.
She seems to be very comfortable with her gray.
I am 40 now... I can be comfortable, too.

Or I might go buy another box of color... I haven't decided yet.

But I can do what I want though, because I'm forty.

Pintuck Shirt: Kmart; Scarf: gift; Belt: Goodwill; Same Jeggings; Socks & Boots: Macy's

I now introduce you to the birthday boots.

Patrick asked me what I wanted for my fortieth. If you could have anything, he said.

What I wanted was a healthy, healed mind and body... but the stores were fresh out.

So I opted for some sweet boots and knee socks..

These babies are leather, they are so comfy, and I want to wear them even when I sleep.

I wore them for the first time when I went with a November birthday bestie to see Wynonna on Sunday.

I felt sassy in my boots.

Wy actually mentioned that when you turn forty you get kinda sassy.

It's true.
I am way more sassy than when I was in my thirties.
The sass is literally oozing out of my boots as I write.

Shirt: Vintage thrifted; Skirt: Gap thrifted; Belt: Thrifted; Boots & Socks: Macy's

And this, my friends is my tribute to the year of my birth...

Good old 1971

I feel oddly comfortable in this get up.

The 1970's school teacher look.

I don't know what people think of my big old collar, but I'm feeling groovy.

Groovy AND sassy.

Yes, the forties are going to be fabulous.

I tried to see if I could think of 40 things I've learned at forty.
If you'd like to read some midlife wisdom... here you go.

40 Things I've Learned at Forty

It's very serious and sage-like.
Kind of like Yoda or Gandalf, but in a 40-year-old woman way.
I wore a long, hooded tunic when I wrote it...
no I didn't, I wore pajamas.

40 Things I've Learned at Forty.

2011-11-16T06:28:00.000-08:00

Today I am forty.

Middle-aged?

I don't know.

Only God knows the number of my days.

I feel like I've been forty for a while, so I'm not mourning it or wearing a black "Over the Hill" hat or anything. When I was 20 I thought I knew a whole lot. The last 20 years, I realized I didn't know much of anything. I decided to write down a few things I think I have learned. In 20 more years, I may look back and laugh at this list. But for now... these are some things I know.

1. Life comes at us in seasons. There is beauty in each one. The secret is to find that beauty and to find contentment no matter which season you are in. God has a purpose and a plan in each of them. And if you don't like the season you are currently in, the leaves will change color soon enough.

2. It's important to figure out who God made you to be, and then be that person. Reflect His glory in the gifts He has given you. To hide His light or try and be what someone else wants you to be is such a frustration and waste.

3. A gift that shows you really know or are known by another is the very best kind of gift. It's good to be known. God gives the very best gifts, because He knows us best.

4. Any money that you spend is an investment in something. It's good to really think about the somethings that you are investing in and why. Then you find out where your heart lies.

5. It's never too late to learn something new. Learning is an important part of being alive. To approach learning with the wonder of a child is even more special. Don't be afraid to say, "I did it!"

6. When you admire someone, you should tell them. Build them up, and they will feel encouraged. Otherwise, you may end up playing the comparison game in your head, and you'll end up tearing yourself down. That's just lame.

7. Smiling and making eye contact are good things. Even when the other person doesn't smile back. Maybe their smile is broken, and they just need help fixing it. Be a smiler.

8. Jesus didn't live out just grace or just truth. He lived out both in equal measure. So should we... oh, so should we. Grace without truth is tolerance and truth without grace is legalism. Tolerance and legalism both make me gag. Jesus doesn't.

9. Everyone is going through something difficult. We all need kindness and grace and mercy and patience. Lots of it. Every day. Every single day.

10. Everyone has a story. It's good to ask about people's stories, and then actively listen to what they have to say. You might be surprised about what you learn and how it might change your opinion of that person.

11. Our stories are all a part of His (God's) bigger story. It's not all about us. It's not all about me. It just isn't.

12. Some of the worst words I can think of start with "P." Procrastination, perfectionism, pride, porn, and people-pleasing. They all rob us of joy and steal true intimacy with God and with others. Jesus wants to set us free from these things. He can. He does.

13. Getting started is usually the hardest part. No matter what it is, just start. Take the leap. It's much easier after that.

14. God is a good matchmaker. Waiting on His timing is the hard part... but it's worth the wait.

15. When you find the love of your life, you want to tell everyone you know how awesome that person is. You throw away your "list." You want to spend every moment you can getting closer and learning to love each other better. If you keep doing this every year after you get married, you are in good shape.

16. Marriage is good and marriage takes work. If someone tells you they never have conflict in their marriage, stand back, because there is a passive aggressive pressure cooker just waiting to explode. When two people become one, there's going to be conflict... you just have to keep working it out in love.

17. Before you get married, Satan will try and tempt you to have sex. After you get married, he will try and tempt you not to have sex. Fight Satan... he is bad.

18. Guys, especially husbands, need respect and support from women. They are much more in need of encouraging words than we assume. They need to be reminded that they "have what it takes" in Christ. If you act like a woman on a sitcom or take the lead from the women of Wisteria Lane, you are going to get a baffoon for a man.

19. There are only a few kindred spirits that will truly rejoice with you over your highs and stick by your side through your lows. No matter what. Treasure those people always... they are gifts.

20. If you want to receive friendship, you have to give friendship. For a friendship to bloom, you have to be vulnerable and let it open up. Buds are pretty, but to see them open up and display their true beauty is a marvelous thing to behold.

21. No friendship or husband is going to ever meet all your emotional and spiritual needs. Sometimes friendships endure for a lifetime. Sometimes God brings specific friends into our lives during specific seasons. Friendships change and grow, and some even run their course, so to speak. None of them are everything we need... because Jesus is that complete friend. He's the BFF.

22. Christianity is about Christ. It is about being redeemed by Him, receiving His love, grace and forgiveness, and loving others as He loves us. It's about shining His truth and glory. This can be done with or without organized programs... it's all about the focus. Jesus.

23. Satan will try to convince you that Christianity is about judging others, shame, works, and religiosity. He is dead wrong. Why would Jesus sacrifice His life and be willing to die for stupid stuff like that?

24. Even if it seems like God has abandoned you, He is still there, walking you through the valleys. That is where true faith, beyond sight comes into play. That's where the 23rd Psalm becomes more than a Hallmark card.

25. If you want to find out how selfish and impatient you really are, get married and have children. Your husband and your children will teach you more than you ever thought possible about yourself and how much you need to grow.

26. When your kids (or any kids for that matter) want to talk, sit down and really listen to them. They have a lot to say. They are special people. Their enthusiasm is contagious. Their eyes twinkle when they talk to you.

27. Having perfectly well-behaved children who are always model students is overrated. Children need a safe place to learn from their mistakes. And relationships with God and others is far more important than anything they might portray on the outside with their temporal actions. It's also kind of funny when they throw strained peas at you. Don't lose your humor over the terrible two's.

28. It's good to act like a child on a regular basis. Star gaze, play games, build forts, fly paper airplanes, go on a rooster hunt, have a squirt gun war, and do spit takes at the park. Smile and laugh and be silly. You are never too old for that.

29. When a day arrives when you think you've got things pretty together, fasten your seat belt and get ready for a crazy ride. God has a lot more he wants you to learn. Get ready to eat a good helping of humble pie.

30. People who like to argue all the time and control things are usually the most insecure people. They are hurting inside, and they are trying desperately to make sense of their world. If you can see through what's happening on the outside, you may catch a glimpse of what's going on on the inside.

31. Gifted writers and musicians have written amazing prose and lyrics to go with just about anything one could experience in life. It helps to read them and listen to them to know you are not alone. Sometimes they make you cry... it's good to let it out.

32. The only book I've read that always seems to apply to where I am in life is the Bible. The same passage can seem brand new and take on a totally different meaning ten years down the road. It's living and active... it's The Word. And it's good to never stop reading it.

33. Success comes in many forms. Don't measure your successes with someone else's yardstick. Rejoice in what God has done in your life, and be equally as willing to rejoice in what He has done in the lives of others, too. Realize He has different purposes in each of our lives.

34. Holding tightly to money just makes you a hoarder. Give freely and spend wisely. Money can bring temporary happiness when you go out for some retail therapy, but learning to be a good steward of what is God's in the first place can bring true joy.

35. Doctors know a lot, but they don't know everything. Only you know what your body is experiencing. Doing research and being an advocate for your own health and well being is important. God is the ultimate healer.

36. Try to be at peace with people as much as it depends on you. When you have done all that you can, let it go. The other person may not want to be at peace, and you just can't control that. Don't stress over it. It will eventually work out.

37. It's good to hug people and cuddle often with your spouse and your children. Appropriate physical touch is healing and comforting. Tickling is good, too. My youngest always reminds me it's good for me as he sticks his little hand in my armpit!

38. Sing and dance. Don't give a hoot who's listening or watching. Just sing and dance with all your might. It makes you feel good. Endorphins or something.

39. Little family traditions and inside jokes are good. They make you unique and connected. They can be the simplest things. They don't have to cost a thing. Making memories is priceless. Make memories.

40. Don't stop living. Fight against bitterness and disappointment. Keep believing in God and His plan for your life. Be the life giver that God created you to be.

Tell Me Wy

2011-11-14T11:53:00.000-08:00

While I was getting through a couple weeks of hideous, adjusting to new treatments, I read a couple books I had picked up at a recent library sale. Tuesdays with Morrie was so sad, but inspiring and encouraging at the same time.

Next, I started reading Coming Home to Myself by Wynonna Judd. I don't know what it is, exactly, but I'm totally fascinated by her. I tend to get that way with country artists, even though I rarely listen to country music. I guess I just find their journeys through life so riveting. My mom recently told me that one of my ancestors had something or other to do with the founding of Nashville, so maybe it's in my blood somehow. Who knew? Wouldn't that be an interesting story to track back? I wish I could be on Who Do You Think You Are. I love all the historical detective work they do on that show.

Anyhow, as I was finishing up Wynonna's book over the weekend, I looked up her website to see if she was touring. And guess what? I found out she was going to be playing in the town right next to mine the very next day. I got sooo excited!! I started to cry, because I just felt like it was a gift.

My sweet husband bought me some tickets and sent one of my besties, Deborah, and I off on a girls' night out! Healthwise, I was so not up for it, but sometimes I've just got to escape and do something extraordinarily fun, no matter how much I'm going to pay for it the next day!

Wy was amazing! Her voice is so strong and powerful and moving. My favorite songs were "No One Else on Earth" and "Grandpa." And she did a version of "I Can Only Imagine" that just gave me the shivers. She is such an amazing and generous entertainer. She's so quick on her feet and interacts with the audience a lot. She is hilarious, too... I was laughing all night long!

And man does she have some sass and glitter. I'm not generally into bling, but if I were an entertainer, I would totally sparkle it up like she does. Her whole costume shimmered and her hair was full of massive amounts of some kind of fairy dust. I think she's got a little Elvis in her, too!

After the show, we I decided to be a Juddhead and wait around by her bus. Deb was totally awesome to go along with it. The tour manager told us that she was already in the bus and wouldn't be coming out... we thought that might be just to throw us off. But apparently that was the truth, and all we got to do was take photos with the bus and wave goodbye. At least we tried!

Trust me... the bus is actually in the background! And this is where I would have had her sign her autograph. I didn't have a pen, but I made friends with "Sharpie Girl," and I know she would have let me borrow hers, cause we got tight waiting out there in the cold together!!

Healthy Donuts

2011-11-09T15:11:00.000-08:00

source

Part of "A Journey to Charis"

because I feel terrible, and I need to laugh today.

This week has been hideous. That is the clinical term. I have a case of hideous that no one can seem to find the right treatment for. Not even a prescription for more cowbell is going to cure it.

I have a friend who reminds me I need to laugh when the hideous gets this severe. She reminded me again a couple of days ago.

There's nothing to laugh about, though. Nothing. It's all hideous, you know.

And then an old memory came to mind.

A couple summers ago, I was all bent out of shape because of a particular situation I had no control over. It had to do with what I felt was bureaucracy and and injustice, and I was in a really bad mood about it, especially because it affected me so personally. I was all perturbed and stressed out.

I happened to be on the way home from the library the day the frustration really peaked. There is a huge vacant lot on the way home that's usually used for event parking.

It called to me...

And I turned in.

I'm not sure what came over me at that point, but I started doing donuts in the dirt and gravel. Big billows of dust began swirling around me like my own personal tornado. I began to laugh so hysterically, I cried.

Finally, I stopped. Wasn't that awesome, I asked my kids, who were playing their Game Boys in the very back of the van.

What? they replied. They hadn't even noticed my vehicular maneuvers and my sweet display of momentary insanity.

I just did donuts in the vacant lot, I said incredulously.

You're so weird, mom.

That's right, I replied. So put down the video games, cause we're going to have a second round.

So off we went again with the 360's until Josh noticed a county vehicle barreling down the hill in the distance.

Uh, mom... I think you'd better leave now.

The county worker obviously thought I was some teenager who'd absconded with their mom's sweet van to go for a joy ride. But there was no way he was going to put a damper on my hilarity and stress relieving endeavors. So I pulled out of the vacant lot and drove home in a fit of laughter.

I just asked Josh if he remembered that day.

Yes, he said, grinning. Mom, maybe you need to go to the library today.

Maybe.

I might just have to return some hideous and take care of some overdue laughter.

Strength and dignity are her clothing, 

and she laughs at the time to come.

Proverbs 31:25

Prayer Request

2011-11-07T06:52:00.000-08:00

I had a really awful weekend.

I'm not doing well at all.

My new treatments are making me feel worse.

I don't know what else to say, except that I really need prayer.

Thanks.

A Friday Favorite

2011-11-04T21:04:00.000-07:00

Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.

I found this amazing video thanks to my sweet bloggy friend, Simply Sara.

It's a murmuration of thousands of starlings.

I keep thinking about it... I've just never seen anything quite like it before.

And it left me in awe of God's creation.

I hope you enjoy it and have a beautiful weekend.

The Writer of my Days

2011-11-02T21:34:00.000-07:00

For you formed my inward parts;
   you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

  My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,
   intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,
   the days that were formed for me,
   when as yet there was none of them.

I recently read these verses from Psalm 139.  Familiar verses I have read many time before, but this time they took on new meaning for me.  I began to think about them a lot.  And I came to a realization.

It takes only 9 months for God to form us in His image,

but it takes an entire lifetime for Him to conform us to His likeness.

Both are rather miraculous...  the God of the universe forming and conforming us. It is easier for me to see the miracle of a baby formed in God's image,  but I tend to get caught up in trials, and it's harder to see the miracle of God's conforming hand.  I become overwhelmed with the pain of trials, frustrated by the ways they seem to hold me back, and I question God's purposes in them.  I forget that when He was forming me, He was also writing out my days.  He formed me and knows my character intimately.  

He knows what kind of days I will need.  

Days that He will use to conform me more and more into His likeness.

Days that will teach me patience and compassion, 

goodness and faithfulness, 

humility and love.  

Days to cultivate His beauty in me.  

Days to cultivate joy in all circumstances.  

Days to garner gratitude and praise and generosity. 

Days to grow forgiveness and mercy and grace. 

He has a whole book of days written for me.

And He has a whole book of days written for you.

What has the Author written in your book today?

Unfortunately...

2011-10-31T13:28:00.000-07:00

This costume has been inspired by the past year,

which was a series of unfortunate events.

"He's Count Olaf and he tried to kill us with a train."

~Violet Baudelaire~

Some years are like that.

But I hope your day is happy and full of singing elves.

WIWW #15

Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It...

2011-10-30T11:43:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things to do during the holiday season is to participate in Operation Christmas Child through Samaritan's Purse. Have you done this before? I highly recommend it as a family activity!! It's so good to focus on giving!

Yesterday, the boys and I hit up Walmart and The Dollar Store.

First, I prepared their hearts, because, if we aren't proactive, we'll end up reactive, and the whole situation will become unattractive!!! We talked about how this was a mission to bless children in other countries who may not have ever received a Christmas gift before. How will we bless them? How awesome will it be that they will hear the Good News of Jesus through Samaritan's Purse and our little box? This is not about us, it's about God's glory and blessing the socks right off these kiddos!

Next, we go on a crazy shopping spree. We try to be good stewards and find as many fun and useful items as we can to pack our shoe boxes. We look for all the best deals, and we make our dollars go far. We shop for a boy and a girl. This year we chose the 5-9 age range. We spent an average of about $20 per box.

Then, we packed up our boxes... fitting and refitting everything in like a puzzle! We usually end up using our own shoe boxes, because we just have too many goodies and need a little extra room. We seal them up with a rubber band and label them for a boy and girl, as well as the age range. (Here's how to do it Scotty McCreery style!)

Here's what each child will be receiving this year...

World Animals Coloring Book, Crayons, 5 No-Sharpen Pencils, 2-pack of Peanuts Toothbrushes, Toothpaste, a Bar of Soap (in a baggie), Combs, Hard Non-melting Candy (in a baggie), a Jump Rope, a Pair of Knit Gloves, and a Spiky Bouncy Ball.

The boy will also receive:

A 5-pack of Hot Wheels Cars, a Yo-Yo, a Metal Harmonica with a little case, a Dinosaur, a T-Shirt, and a Henley Shirt.

The girl will also receive:

An Etch-a-Sketch Doodler, a Baby Doll, a Set of Rings, a Set of Bracelets, a Set of Hair Clips, a Button-down Owl Shirt, and a Button-down Plaid Shirt.

We make a donation online at www.samaritanspurse.org/occ to cover shipping costs for the box. This also allows you to track your box, so you can find out where in the world it ends up. My friend Rachel will be able to deliver boxes this year... I believe she'll be going to Serbia! She's so excited. Please pray for Rachel's safe journey.

Lastly, we pray over the boxes, asking God to bless these children and their families. We ask that He will lead them to the greatest gift of salvation through His son Jesus. We drop the boxes off at church so that they can get transported to a shipping center and flown out to some kids.

If you are interested in getting involved this year, November 14-21 is National Collection Week. You can visit www.samaritanspurse.org/occ or call 1-800-353-5949 to get more information on gift suggestions and drop-off locations!! You will be so blessed by doing this!

Also, if you want to bless a child locally, Social Services and Foster Care Agencies often have special Christmas lists for their clients. That's really fun, too!!

Fallish Photos

2011-10-25T11:57:00.000-07:00

I seem to have lost my words. Sometimes I have so many words swirling around my head I don't know what to do with them all. I somehow organize them, and then I'll write and write. But lately, my words have not come very easily. Maybe I just don't have anything to say. Maybe I don't know how to say what I want to say. I just know that I don't have any words right now. And I'm not sure when they'll come back.

So, for now, I'll simply leave you with some fall inspired photos. Maybe you can give me some words to go with them. A haiku perhaps? Something tragic or comic? I invite you to wow me with your spontaneous poetry skills.

Fall is colors.

~Jason

Our New Porch Resident

2011-10-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

"Will you walk into my parlor?" said the Spider to the Fly.

"Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you did spy."

~Mary Howitt

Short & Sweet

2011-10-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

WIWW #14

Just a couple outfits I wore to church recently.
No snarky commentary this week. I'm too sleepy.

Cream Blouse: Calvin Klein via Goodwill; Skirt: Goodwill; Boots: ??; Belt: ??;

Earrings: Wish you could see... Lisa Leonard

Necklace: Thrifted; Jacket: Marshalls; Jeans: Gap, thrifted; Boots: Same

Are you having a good week?
What's the best thing that's happened in your week??

Kicked off the Carpool

2011-10-18T10:03:00.000-07:00

Part of "A Journey to Charis"

Last year, I was quite the hermit. I spoke to a small number of friends on a regular basis. Friends who understood my illness and were willing to come alongside me as I sought healing.

I'm starting to feel more and more like myself, and I have been challenging myself to rejoin the land of the living. Fitting back into society and participating in normal things. Seemingly insignificant steps, but rather large ones for me. Steps that take courage and faith.

About a month ago, I joined up with a carpool with two other families. I thought things were going well. I did have a couple appointments I had made prior to joining, so I had to ask to shift a couple of my carpool turns. But they said it was too confusing to the kids and that it just wasn't going to work out. They would, however, still be happy to drive my son in the morning, which was very generous.

As I processed all this, I realized, I'd essentially been kicked off the carpool. I allowed myself to get worked up over it and I cried on and off for three hours! Three whole hours! I felt like I was back in grammar school and I wasn't getting picked for the kickball team, or someone was having a birthday party, and I wasn't invited. Oh, the drama.

But it went far deeper than that. I began to struggled with feeling accused.

You are socially inept.

You're needs are not important.

You cause problems for people.

You can't be trusted with other people's children.

You don't belong out among people.

You are pathetic.

All these accusations sticking to me... covering me with their lies and condemnation.

But I am reminded in Romans 8:1 that "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

And John 8:44 tells me "... (Satan) was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies."

I realized I was listening to the accuser and dwelling on his words instead of God's. Have you ever had accusing thoughts in your head that begin with "You..." Third person thoughts. Friends, they do not come from you, they do not come from God, they come from the Accuser... the Father of Lies. The one who is trying to steal, kill and destroy your life, not the One who is offering you life in abundance (John 10:10).

So I am paying attention to my thoughts. Taking captive those that come from the accuser and dwelling on the truth of God that sets me free. Peeling off those lies and seeking His grace and mercy, as He continues to help me persevere through this trial.

Star Light, Star Bright

2011-10-14T16:31:00.000-07:00

Source

Last night, it was still nice and warm at eight o'clock. I took a blanket and laid it out on the grass in our front yard, which happens to be the only place we have grass. The kids brought some pillows and stuffed animals. We made sure daddy came along. Sophie, our little pup, wanted to join in, too. And we all got cozy under my pretty quilt.

There was a lot of giggling as we all gazed up at the stars. It got a little bit loud, so Patrick said, "Hey, I can't see the stars with you being so loud." Then there was more giggling.

There was talk of great balls of gas... and even more giggling.

Josh enlightened us on the scientific aspects of implosions and explosions, and God's orchestration of the universe.

We saw some "moving" stars. They said they were planes. I said they were strange alien probes from another planet. They didn't buy that.

Jason and I sang "Twinkle, twinkle little star..."

There were some wishes made.

And then the children ran around like fairy shadows in the moonlight while Patrick and I got to cuddle on our own.

Moments later we were all cuddled up once again.

Jason said it was a very good night.

I agree.

Maybe we'll join the symphony of crickets with our own cacophony of sound once again tonight.

I like star gazing.

Fashion Insecurities

2011-10-11T23:42:00.000-07:00

WIWW #13

Here's how I deal with fashion insecurities.

Dress: Tommy Hilfiger Outlet; Jeans: Walmart; Belt: F21;

Necklace: Lisa Leonard; Shoes: Naturalizers

#1 Tunics are my friends.
These pants are super comfy. I feel like wearing them everyday, but I don't have enough tunics for that. And I don't wear skinny jeans without tunics, because that is just not attractive. I was not really designed for skinny jeans. I was designed for birthing babies with big heads. So tunics to the rescue.

Cardigan: Target; Tee: Old Navy; Scarf: Gift; Jean: Goodwill; Shoes: Marshalls

#2 Fads in Moderation.
Vanilla and chocolate and a little leopard to top it off. I like leopard, but I'm scared to wear it in large doses. I have relegated it to my feet and the side of my glasses. Tame leopard, not the wild leopard. Just a little bit o' trend for me.

Shirt: Thrifted; Tank: Nordstrom Rack; Shorts: Marshalls; Shoes: 9 West Outlet BOGO

#3 Embracing my Awkwardness

We are having a bit of a hot spell here, so I whipped out the shorts.

Then I got my hair cut, which is the only reason it is looking smooth. I curl my hair cause I can't make it smooth. Then I went to the doctor, and I had to take my shoes off. I was really embarrassed that my feet might smell, so I warned him, and he laughed. I'm not sure if they smelled, but they were sweaty. Today I embraced the sweat. Tomorrow I will curl the hair.

Do you have fashion insecurities?

Do you fight them or work with them?

New Tricks

2011-10-10T14:35:00.000-07:00

source

They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. But I don't think that's true. I like the idea of learning new tricks.

The older I get, the more I think I don't have the capacity to learn new tricks, but it's entirely possible if I just try. In this past decade I have learned to play the guitar a bit and to play piano by ear (instead of just reading the music). I took up photography. Last year I learned to crochet some pretty complicated things like hats and flowers and blankets.

It feels good to do something different... to grow and learn in I way I hadn't imagined I could. I tend to want to try new things in fall. I never make New Year's resolutions, because I know I would never keep them for more than a week. To me, fall is always the time for fresh beginnings... when I feel ready to take on a new challenge and stretch myself a bit.

So here's the new trick I'm going to attempt!

In the past 24 hours, God has led me to Romans 8 on three occasions through 3 different sources. Usually it takes 3 times with me. The first time I don't listen very well. The second time, I consider looking into it. By the third time, I know I'd better check it out, lest I get whacked over the head.

My friend said that she had actually memorized the entire chapter of Romans 8, and that it was so good for so many things. Wow, that's incredible, I thought. But I immediately wrote off trying to do that myself, even though I'd always wanted to memorize a big portion of scripture. She's got a decade and a half on me... younger minds can retain better, I reasoned.

The more I thought about it this morning, the more I realized I really want to try this. I might fail miserably, but I want to see if I can do it... to hide that much of God's word in my heart. To see how it will change me. I want this to be my new fall challenge. Anyone want to join me? Have you every tried this before? Do you have tips? I'll put the verses over in the sidebar as I'm learning them. Hopefully I'll keep myself accountable that way.

Have you learned anything new lately?

Is there a new trick you'd like to learn this fall?

Heavenly Helper

2011-10-06T22:23:00.000-07:00

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
   From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
   who made heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1-2

Part of "A Journey to Charis"

This is my sweet little J-Bear, who loves the color orange and spiking his hair on crazy hair day.

I was so worried about him last year. Over something kind of silly.

He was in Kindergarten and I was worried that he wouldn't get the reading thing down.

I was so consumed with working on my health, that I didn't get to spend the same quality time tutoring him like I did with Josh at his age.

I know this reading thing might not seem like a big deal to obsess over, but I used to teach first grade, and I know how hard it is when kids struggle with reading.

And I didn't want him to have to struggle... not after the year we had.

So I gave it to the Lord. Please teach him. Help it to click for him.

And He did help my little J-Bear.

I went to his school conference this week, and his teacher showed me his tests and how great he is doing in reading this year. Just amazingly well.

It may seem like a little thing, but to me it is so big.

It is an evidence of God's grace to my family at a time of need.

The maker of heaven and earth helped my little boy when I couldn't.

When we needed something to come easily.

He cared about this little thing that meant a lot to me, and He has my little boy in His hands.

My crazy, cute little reading J-Bear.

Thank you, Lord, for teaching him to read.
And thank your for this little boy who stirs up laughter in my heart.

Permission Granted

2011-10-04T19:34:00.000-07:00

Train up a child in the

way he should go;

and when he is old,

he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

This is one of those important verses one hears over and over again as a parent. I always took it to mean training your children in the Scriptures (Ephesians 6:4), teaching them right from wrong, and most importantly encouraging them to trust in their Creator and walk with His Son. And I think that is the most important meaning.

But one day, I saw it with a different emphasis...

Train up a child in the way HE should go.

Not the way His dad or I, friend, or brother should go.

We have all been given such unique gifts and personalities to glorify the Lord with haven't we? We are not meant to have the same life as those around us. We don't all have the same mold.

My son Josh has a very unique mold. He is thoughtful and sensitive. Dogmatic and logical. Creative and scientific. All at once.

I was once talking to a treasured friend, and she was telling me how she sometimes felt like she was bragging when she told other people about her daughter's unique traits and abilities. Her daughter was literally writing a period fantasy novel while she was still in grammar school. Yes, it would be a bit difficult to humbly speak of her gifts without seeming boastful and inciting comparisons.

But you know what I realized, she said. My daughter has this brilliance and these giftings, and if I am trying to hide them, I am really putting a bushel over God's glory in her. I want to celebrate how God has made her and rejoice in it without being arrogant.

That made so much sense! Celebrating God's glory in other people, especially our children. Permission granted.

So I wanted to take a moment to tell you more about Josh... not in a boastful way, but in awe of the person God has made him to be. The way he is going as I train him up in the Lord.

Josh has an incredible mind for science, which can only come from the Lord, because it certainly doesn't come from his parents! In the last couple of years, I have seen him grow in this capacity. He internalizes scientific language and concepts with little effort, especially in the realm of physics, engineering, and technology. It almost seems as though he has photographic memory in this realm.

We are trying to keep up with him and give him the assistance he needs to grow in this area. Practically, one of the things we did recently was to take an old entertainment armoire and transform it into a Lego creation station. He has taken to using Legos to build simple machines, such as candy vending machines with levers, mechanisms, combinations, and keyed locks that actually work. He spends hours perfecting his machines and inventing more complex designs.

We also enrolled him in a Lego NXT Robotics class over the summer, and he learned how to build and program robots to complete tasks and compete in battles. While it is hard for me to begin to comprehend what he is doing, his enthusiasm and understanding are boundless. His eyes light up and I can almost see the wheels turning within his head.

I am beginning to see that we will need to provide him with the exposure and opportunities to grow in these and other scientifically related areas. This is only the beginning.

So some questions for you, friends...

Do you have any ideas for me? What programs should I look into for an engineering 11 year old with a highly scientific brain??

And what gifts do your kids, grandkids, nieces and nephews have?

How does God's glory shine in them?

Permission granted to share freely!

Courageous

2011-10-01T17:46:00.000-07:00

Lessons along the way

Part of "A Journey to Charis"

In anticipation of the film's release, Family Life Today did a series of interviews with the producers of Courageous, Alex and Stephen Kendrick (Facing the Giants & Fireproof). During the interview, Stephen was asked, "What was the most courageous thing you've ever done." I expected him to say something like becoming a filmmaker or saving some little kids out of a burning building a la Ponyboy in The Outsiders. Instead, I was surprised at his answer.

"I went through a season of my life of depression, where I was battling with the Lord. I was so overwhelmed that I felt like the God I was serving had abandoned me. In the midst of that, I came to the place where I chose to cling to the Lord when I felt like He was my enemy. It was very difficult during that time. But my dad sent me something, and he said, 'The greatest test of faith is when you feel like God has abandoned you... will you cling to Him then?' And Job did that. He said, 'Though God slay me, yet will I trust in Him.' And when you feel like God is against you and He's turning on you, you know, we look in Scripture, and he has promised us He will never leave us or forsake us. But He will allow seasons of our lives when He is silent or He backs away. That is our test of faith. It's easy to have faith in the Lord when He's showing up and He's providing and He's involved in your life. But when you feel like He is a million miles away and he doesn't care about you, you have to cling to Him then. Jesus was so loyal to the Father, at the point of going to the cross, He said, nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done. After 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me'... a few moments later... into Thy hands I commit my Spirit. To the same one whom He felt was forsaking Him. I just tell people, when I look back, I don't know anything that was more difficult than that."

I can't tell you how much I needed to hear these words. This week, my depression has been an increasingly unwelcome companion once again. I can't seem to figure out this chemistry experiment otherwise known as Linda. To hear Stephen's testimony... that battling forsaken feelings, yet trusting and having faith anyway, was the hardest and most courageous thing he'd ever done, gives me tremendous encouragement.

Because most of the time I feel like such a wimp.

But to think of it in this light... that it takes courage. That I am making the right decision to fight for faith. That this may be one of the hardest battles I will ever fight. That God still keeps His promises. That He wouldn't let me go through this test for no reason. That others have fought this battle and emerged with Jesus, victorious.

These thoughts give me a renewed hope. And help me remember what I am fighting for.

And I need that... everyday.

Thank you, Jesus, for knowing my heart and giving me this portion today.

(By the way... did anyone go out to see the movie? How was it??)

God Dreams & Dish Towels

2011-09-29T08:48:00.000-07:00

May he  grant you your heart’s desire 

and fulfill all your plans!

Psalm 20:4

I have a dear friend who has been in the valley this past year along with me. Our valleys have resulted from completely different circumstances, but so many of the accompanying feelings of pain have been so similar. There has been comfort in sharing our stories, praying for one another and looking for God's light in the midst of the darkness that we often found ourselves in.

Last week, I was at Marshalls making a return, and God put it on my heart to buy something for my friend's new condo. I kept coming back to dish towels for some reason... but those are so utilitarian, I thought. Then I saw a little stack of 5 towels all bundled up in little squares. They were in pretty fall colors, but the stripes on them reminded me of Guatemala.

It was then that God put another little thought on my heart. My friend had been on a missions trip to Guatemala many years ago, and I felt like God was putting it on my heart to tell her to start dreaming again... to dream God dreams. He has plans for her beyond this past year.

So I bought the towels... and I went to her condo.

I got you some towels for your new place, I said, handing her the neat little stack.

Yay! I was just thinking that I wanted new towels. My towels are looking so sad, she said, as she pulled an old towel out of the drawer and pointed to its faded, shredded border. I didn't think I should spend money on something like that, but I really wanted some, she added.

There's more, I replied, smiling. This is kind of weird, but they reminded me of Guatemala, and I think God wants me to tell you to start dreaming big God dreams again.

She looked at the tag... but they are from India, she noticed.

I know. But they reminded me of Guatemala.

But I was praying the other day, and God put India on my heart. I was asking Him if He wanted me to go there someday, she grinned.

Wow, I had no idea what God was going to do with a set of kitchen towels! My friend texted me the other day and told me how she smiles every time she sees them.

I can't wait to see what the future holds for her as she climbs out of the valley and up to the mountain top with Jesus by her side.

Has God nudged you to do anything in His still small voice lately?

Are you dreaming any big God dreams?

Fall's Rushing In

2011-09-28T07:15:00.000-07:00

WIWW #12

Tank: Ross; Dress: Old Navy Sale ($6!!); Cardigan: Tommy Hilfiger Outlet;

Belt: F21; Shoes: Clarks

So I mixed black, white, brown, gold, and gray. Highly illegal, I'm sure!

I saw a necklace on Etsy with a beautiful gold ring on a leather chord, and I thought I'd copy using my great-grandmother's wedding band. Simple and pretty.

What do you think?

Cardigan: Marshalls; Blouse: Liz Claiborne, thrifted; Belt & Jeans: Goodwill;

Shoes: Nine West Outlet

I got some new fall shoes on a Buy One, Get One sale. They are such a great color.

I know I'll get lots of use out of them. Oxfords are so fun and classic.

Sweater: Ross; Top: Banana Republic, thrifted: Jeans: Gap, thrifted; Belt: ?;
Shoes: Same; Glasses: Costco

Yep, wearing the shoes again already! And it's definitely fall...
I'm breaking out the pumpkin colors.
But my flip flops are still sitting there in the background wishing for some Indian summer days.

Are you starting to have fun with sweaters and earthy fall colors?

What's the weather like where you are? Actually having some hot days again here.

AG Harvest Festival 2011

2011-09-26T09:03:00.000-07:00

The longer I live in my little town, the more I fall in love with it. It's cute and historic, quirky and fun. We even have a suspension bridge and roosters that roam freely around our creekside area. It's a regular "Stars Hollow" of the West Coast.

Every year we have a harvest festival with a parade and events for all ages. Here's a glimpse of Saturday's activities.

Colorful Characters...

Who ordered more cowbell? We can always use more cowbell!

There are always festive floats...

I know this one had a message... just not sure what it was.

There were all kinds of activities in the park.

Derby races...

Dancers in the gazebo...

And the amazing Weiner Dog Race...

Josh and Jason braved the Boy Scouts' rope bridge...

Simple. Fun. Good times. I love it.

A Friday Favorite

2011-09-24T16:07:00.000-07:00

Today is, indeed, Saturday, but yesterday was Friday. Something happened that made it a Friday Favorite for sure.

My beautiful, artistic, and amazing friend Gwen runs a quilting business. Her front room is set up with a huge quilting machine and colorful fabrics. She and some of her quilting buddies also started a little quilters' club, and unbeknownst to me, they have been making me a quilt! They have prayed for me while I've been on my road to recovery, and making me this gorgeous covering for tangible love and comfort.

Isn't it wonderful??

I was so blessed... I couldn't help but cry. To think that they labored over this piece of artwork for me was just more than I could take in.

Gwen said she remembered that I like "Lord of the Rings" colors, so they used the reds, greens, tans, and mustards of Middle Earth. It's like Rohan became a blanket. (Yes, I am very nerdy... it's useless to try and hide that.)

So thank you so very much to Gwen and her group for showing God's love in such a lovely way. It's a treasure I will enjoy for many years to come. My heart is full.

I Can't Say No

2011-09-21T10:07:00.000-07:00

This post has nothing to do with tree-ripened apricots,
other than the fact that I can't say no to them either.

Lessons along the way

Part of "A Journey to Charis"

About three months ago, I was sitting in my doctor's office, and he recommended that I see a therapist.

A therapist, huh? I looked at him, and in my mind I thought, no, I will be fine without a therapist. And then I reconsidered. Well, maybe that's not such a bad idea. I could at least give it a try. After three more seconds of very deep thought, I made the conclusion that I would be fine without one.

My doctor looked back at me and said in his mind... no, you really should go, I think it would help. And in addition, the therapist is trained to handle your crying. (I know this because I have the super power ability to read most doctors' minds.)

I silently reexamined my arguments one last time and told him out loud that I would go. Then he said out loud that he was ~~relieved~~ glad.

So I went to see the therapist whose office was located in an old forgotten town in a pink building formerly known as a bordello, of all places. I discovered rather quickly that she is, indeed, very well trained to handle crying. She can also translate me like a book, which I think is one of her most prominent super powers.

During one session I told her that I have a hard time with expectations, and I don't like to feel as though I have let someone down. She translated that as "people pleasing." No, I didn't think that was it. Her super powers must have shorted out.

Well, what would you call it? she inquired.

I just don't like to disappoint people. Much different from people pleasing, I'm sure, I told her, with a big question mark in my voice. She gave me an interesting look and told me to think about it for homework. Furthermore, she gave me another assignment... to buy a non-feminist book on being assertive. So I did.

It turns out that maybe I AM a bona fide people pleaser, and I need to make some resolutions about how I make decisions, what I make commitments to, and more importantly... why.

I had my first test a couple of days ago. I went to a school meeting and was clear in my mind about what I could commit to and follow through with. Later that evening, I found myself sitting in my sweet van feeling no sense of peace, as I had agreed to plan a monumental overnight outing in a very short amount of time. Where had my resolution gone? I didn't stop and let my sweet friend know that I would pray about it. I didn't let her know that I would discuss it with Patrick to see if this is something I could commit to doing, knowing full well that it would affect our family.

Fail... epic fail, I told Patrick when I got home. You know you have to say "no" to this, don't you, he kindly asked. It is not something you are well enough to do right now.

I know. And now I will have to un-yes my "yes," which is even harder than "no-ing" in the first place. Sigh.

At least I am learning who I really am, and what God expects of me. I know that His yoke is easy. It will just take time and fails to learn new habits and gain His freedom in this area... I'm on my way.

"Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:29-30

Summer Outtakes

2011-09-14T08:04:00.000-07:00

WIWW #11

Recently I have been wearing a lot of PJ's, cause I caught a nasty cold.

So I thought I'd share some summer outtakes... outfits I gave the old college try,

but never quite made the grade.

Tee: Marshalls; Necklace & Belt: F21; Former Maxi Dress: Ross; Shoes: Naturalizers

It was the summer of 2010, and the temps got into the 90's which is unusual for my coastal town. I went insane and had a Pedro moment, and I cut off the bottom of this maxi dress. (If you haven't seen Napoleon Dynamite, I'm sure that reference makes absolutely no sense... sorry.) I tried to redeem it and make it a skirt, but I'm not thinking it really works. And now I want my maxi back! Boo.

Fedora: F21, Ralph Lauren Tee: Marshalls; Belt: ?; Capris: old Old Navy; Shoes: Sperrys

This was the day I decided that a fedora, a cowboy belt with a large buckle, and topsiders would look good together. Maybe I just thought the colors would work, I'm not sure. This would probably be a good example of how not to dress eclectically. If I switched out the belt, it might have worked. Otherwise, we can call it "Cowboys & Aliens."

Tee & Shorts: Marshalls; Belt: ?; Scarf: New Frontiers; Shoes: Clarks

This is probably the least offensive of the three. I just couldn't decide whether scarves are acceptable in the summer. It also may or may not be acceptable that I bought the scarf at a grocery store. Anyhow, it made me hot which is why I had to put my hair in a ponytail. I will be 40 in two months... am I even allowed to wear ponytails anymore? Who knows... I'm sure 'they' have rules on that, too. Whoever 'they' are.

So what are your thoughts on these fashion fumbles?

Do you ever look through your photos and say 'what was I thinking'?

Do you wear scarves in the summer or impulsively cut your clothes?

Am I asking too many questions?

9-11

2011-09-11T17:42:00.000-07:00

Ten years. It's hard to believe, isn't it?

I'll always remember the morning, but some of the details have now faded.

Patrick must have heard first and turned on the television. I remember still being groggy. And then we witnessed the second tower being hit. I felt sick to my stomach. Once could have been an accident, but twice was clearly a premeditated act.

Dad, our country is under attack, I relayed over the phone. The incredulous words had left my mouth, and I wished there were some way to make them just a bad dream.

Today I'm reading Laura Bush's biography, seeing the events from her perspective... the fear that had hung in the White House air and the uncertain future she had faced as the President's wife. The victims' relatives she comforted and the anxious school children to whom she offered words of hope.

I'm glad our country is in another place now, but I do miss the sense of unity Americans felt during that brief period of history. Political parties and agendas didn't seem to matter. Tragedy seemed to draw us closer together, we hugged a little more tightly, and words of kindness came more freely. We were simply Americans.

So that is what I'm remembering today, along with stories of heroes and recollections of the fallen.

What do you remember?

enTITLEment

2011-09-08T16:29:00.000-07:00

About thirteen years ago I moved from an L.A. suburb to the coast. I went to a temp agency, because it was the end of a school year, so I couldn't get a teaching job. The interviewer hired me, and proceeded to tell me that I didn't have to dress up quite so much... things are much more laid back on the coast.

What? You don't like my creamy blouse, black pencil skirt, pumps, and pearls? We aren't in Boston, and I can't dress like Sharon McKendrick?

Fine then, I'll learn to dress more like Susan there on the left, but I am not cutting off my hair!

So I bought a couple Roxy T-Shirts, flip flops, and capris and tried to look more coastal. I get it. I had to adjust a little to the culture around me so I didn't look like a complete freak. The Sharon in me is still very much there, but I try to at least tame her a bit. Maybe I should be a librarian so I'd have an excuse.

Titles, however, have still really bugged me after all these years. Kids around here, for the most part, call their elders by their first names. When I had kids I just went with the flow, trying to adapt to the culture again, but it makes my skin crawl a little bit. It just seems so wrong. Maybe I have a Southern Belle deep down inside me... I just don't remember ever calling adults by their first name when I was a kid. Heck, I can't even bring myself to call my doctor by his first name, even when we are in a non-clinical setting... and he is my peer.

I guess it's just an issue of respect. Or maybe I'm being too picky. Or maybe I just want to hear my last name being said more often, because it is awesome and it starts with a "Z."

What do you think about the whole Mr. and Mrs. thing? Is it different in different parts of the country? Is everyone going casual?

2011-09-05T12:51:00.000-07:00

I listen to Christian talk radio.

I read biographies about interesting public figures.

I eat broccoli for breakfast.

I teach my kids about safety issues.

I laugh uncontrollably while my husband looks on, stupefied.

There can only be one explanation...

I think I'm turning into my mom.

Now if only I can be...

As faithful as she is in prayer

As beautiful as she is in wisdom

As generous as she is in sacrificial love

I love you, Mom.

Borrowed Faith

2011-09-02T19:56:00.000-07:00

Lessons along the way

Part of "A Journey to Charis"

It was over twenty years ago, but I remember the day clearly. I was a young teenager in high school, and I sang a solo for my congregation during a church service. After the pastor finished his sermon, a couple found me, and with tears in their eyes, they told me how the song had ministered to them during a very difficult time in their lives. I never knew what they were going through, but I knew that God had spoken to them in a very specific way, and for that I was thankful. I don't remember the title of the song, or many of the lyrics, but I distinctly remember one of the melodic phrases...

"When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart..."

This weekend marks the anniversary of the beginning of my Journey to Charis. The weekend when my health would fail me, and depression and anxiety would become my constant shadows. While I am in a much healthier place now, physically and mentally, my spiritual struggles remain the most profound.

There was a time not so long ago when I knew that God was not only my Father and Creator, but my Close Companion as well. I loved our talks in prayer. I marveled at His beauty and wonder. I poured over His Word, dissecting the intricate meanings behind simple words and phrases. I joyfully sang His praise and served Him with gladness.

I felt His presence.

And His love.

In a very real way.

But during this past year, I feel as though a switch has been turned off... as though something has been severed.

It hurts.

Because at the time when I need Him most desperately, it seems as though He removed His presence from my life.

Deep down, I know these are my feelings and not what is true.

So I have been borrowing my faith.

From King David as he teaches me about my good Shepherd who won't leave my side as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Who praises His God even when he feels he has been abandoned.

From Job who shows me that God's ways are higher than my own... who eventually finds answers to all his "whys."

From other saints of old who didn't hear from God for years, but persisted in their faith, knowing He would keep His promises. And even those like Sarah and Abraham who balked at God's promise, only to be amazingly blessed anyway.

From a friend who shares with me "The Dark Night of the Soul." She shows me that perhaps this crisis is a step toward spiritual maturity, where I cannot trust in my feelings anymore. Maybe this is an opportunity for my faith to take a deeper journey, beyond the realm of the experiential.

From Christ Himself, who knew what it was like to dwell in human form and feel forsaken. And yet He surrendered His life anyway.

So I am working on surrender.

Even when I can't feel His presence.

Even when I don't know the answers to all my why's.

Even when I have to borrow my faith from days gone by.

When I can't trace His hand, I will choose to trust His heart.

Thrifty Take

2011-08-31T00:20:00.000-07:00

WIWW #10

Last week Lindsey put out the challenge to include some thrifted pieces in this week's post.

Since I normally have something or other thrifted in most of my posts already, I decided to try a couple completely thrifted outfits.

Or at least almost completely.

Here's what I came up with.

Top ($3) & Skirt ($3.75): Gap, both thrifted; Belt: my husband's; Bracelet: family heirloom;
Necklace ($3): Mervyn's; Wedges: Clarks

I figured my husband wouldn't notice if I snagged his belt, but he noticed it first thing.
He said it was cute... so maybe I'll be borrowing from him more often!
Do you do that?

Whole outfit thrifted!
Jacket ($6): Mossimo; Top ($3): Dress Barn; Belt ($2): Some gen.u.ine snakeskin; Jeans ($5): Gap

I'm really liking florals again.
I've never mixed florals and military together, but why not?

Pintuck blouse ($3): ??; Same jeans ($5); Gap... both thrifted;
Shoes: old Payless; Necklace ($4): F21; Bracelets: gift, heirloom

This blouse was a bit big on me. I was going to take it in, but tying a knot was a lot faster. :)

Do you like to go thrifting? I hadn't done it in a while and now I'm a bit rehooked.

I got it from my mom... except she loves garage sales.
She always says her car automatically turns when it sees a garage sale sign.

So I guess it's in my blood!!
Oh, and mom, I'm posting this at midnight cause Josh is up with an ouchy throat! Boo!

Neighborhood Watch

2011-08-29T17:37:00.000-07:00

source

There's been a series of robberies in my neighborhood recently. Right on my street, in fact. It's a little bit unnerving. The perps have jimmied open doors, and one was found actually in someone's house in the middle of the night. Yikes... that's a pretty bold thief.

I love leaving doors open... so much so, that flies end up in the house, much to my husband's chagrin. My perfect door situation would be two sets of white French doors on a wall adjacent to my backyard. They would be swung open any time it is remotely warm.

Anyway, now I feel like keeping my doors locked all the time, which is a big bummer... I'm not sure if it is better to feel less vulnerable, or to suffocate in the confines of my home while watching the breeze move the branches of my willow tree, yet not being able to breath in the fresh air. Sigh. I feel so incredibly melodramatic right now.

The police are frequenting the area, which makes me feel a bit more secure.

They are actually pretty good about patrolling our street. One night, when Jason was a baby, Patrick was driving around the neighborhood very slowly in the dead of night. In our dark blue van, I might add. He got pulled over for suspicious behavior.

What is your business this time of night, the officer asked, shining his mag light in Patrick's eyes.

I'm just trying to get my baby back to sleep, he answered.

The officer understood... he must have been a dad.

Tell me you have done that out of utter exhaustion... we can't be the only ones!

Oh, and would you leave the door open or lock it up tight?

Friday Favorites

2011-08-26T09:44:00.000-07:00

"Every day I discover more and more beautiful things." 

Claude Monet

It is quite the dreary morning,

so I went looking for some of my favorite artwork to brighten things up a bit.

Cliff walk at Pourville by Claude Monet

Sunflowers by Vincent Van Vogh

Children Playing on the Beach by Mary Cassatt

Garden at Vetheuil by Claude Monet

The Seine at La Grande Jatte by Georges Seurat

Farmhouse in a Wheat Field by Vincent Van Gogh

Do you have a favorite painting that makes you happy and bright inside?

The Jonah Test

2011-08-25T10:02:00.000-07:00

(All photos taken by my boys.)

Years ago, I went on a hunt for a special picture Bible for Josh. I wanted it to be detailed, but not so detailed that he couldn't carry the emotional load. My test was the book of Jonah. I would take each Bible and read through the story. I wanted to see both the good and difficult in the story... lessons in obedience, God's grace, redemption as well as the parts where the humanity of Jonah comes through. Remember the end when he's complaining about the lack of shade? Life's just not easy when pesky worms gnaw through your plant.

A couple weeks ago, my kids got to participate in a horse camp... and it was one of those activities that definitely passed the "Jonah Test."

The boys got some amazing time learning to ride these beautiful animals. By the end of the week they had fallen in love with their new four legged friends, and cried when they had to say goodbye. That was the good part... the part that came easily. The part that was relished.

But their week didn't consist only of the "fun." They got to see what it would be like to actually own horses. They fed them, groomed them and cleaned their hooves. And they scooped a lot of horse poop. I think it was such a good, comprehensive experience.

Isn't life like that? You have to take the difficult with the good. I often get too focused on the difficult parts, but you know what? Sometimes, you have to scoop a little poop to get to do the things you really love... and it's all so worth it to get to relish the really good parts in the end.

So if there's a moral to this story...

it's 'scoop the poop,' but then take the time to truly ride like the wind.

The One Where I Met Denise

2011-08-24T07:00:00.000-07:00

WIWW #9

Ok, I'm very excited about this post. Just read the title and you'll know why!
So let's breeze through these first outfits to get to the good stuff!

Top: Banana Republic, thrifted; Cropped Jeans: Eddie Bauer, thrifted; Scarf: Gift;
Belt: F21; Shoes: Sperrys; Bracelets: Street Vendor & Fair Trade

I didn't particularly like this outfit until I added some green. Then it was screaming 'Viva La Verde' and 'Look Alive,' and other such things. I was kind of surprised since my clothes don't normally talk (and it wasn't even Cinco de Mayo, ) but that's apparently the power of green. I'm going to try it again the next time I'm feeling particularly sleepy.

Cardigan: Target; Tank: Nordstrom Rack; Belt: from some other pants;
CAbi Jeans: Goodwill; Wedges: Clarks

What would you call this color? Persimmon, maybe?
My youngest son's favorite color is orange, and I think his taste is rubbing off on me a little bit.

Another ring from Cousin Olive. Isn't it so fun and crazy?
Whilst my outfit was being tame, my finger was going ultra eccentric once again.

Drumroll....
And here, my friends is What I Wore when I met DENISE!!!!!

Pintuck Tunic: KMart Clearance; Belt: Goodwill; Jeggings: Gift;
Bracelet: F21; Wedges: Clarks again

Remember when I mentioned a couple weeks ago how I'd love to meet Denise?
Well, it happened last Wednesday!! My 3 year blogger friend is now my real life friend!

Doesn't she have the best smile??

First off, I have to say that she was super ornery... she refused to let me pay for her coffee and my Icelandic Glacial water. And second, she is a big liar... she promised she would not vlog, and then she totally did.

Oh, and thirdly (is that even a word?), she referred to me as her elder at least twice... even though I'm only 2 years, 8 hours and 30-some odd minutes older than she is (yes, we have the same birthday). But, okay.

However, I am entirely willing to look past these faults, to see that she is...

Beautiful, inside and out

Adorable
Sweet

Funny... no hilarious
Crazy (in the best way possible)

Compassionate

An amazing conversationalist
(She could give Lorelai Gilmore a run for her money!)

Lifegiving
Encouraging

Authentic and vulnerable
And full of God's grace

I just love her and I miss her already!

Have you met any blog friends? Were you nervous? (I kinda was.)

Hailing Yellow Taxi Cabs

2011-08-22T09:20:00.000-07:00

Image via yellowcabtaxi4u.com

Scaling the Mountain: Part 2

Part of "A Journey to Charis"

(This post regarding my health journey will get a bit more medical and scientific.

Just thought it may be of some help to someone, which is why I'm including it.)

In my quest to understand what had become some type of polyglandular autoimmune disorder, and specifically Hashimoto's thyroiditis, I came across a book that peaked my interest. The author, a specialist in treating thyroid disorder, seemed to be the only one on the internet who was truly addressing Hashimoto's as an autoimmune disease. Why would we treat this disease as a thyroid problem, when it is, in fact, an autoimmune disease, he asked? I kept wondering about this idea.

I contacted a friend whom I knew was being treated for Hashimoto's. I knew she was climbing mountains, water skiing, and dancing... living her life with energy and vitality. I discovered her doctor was a mere mile from my home and had trained under the author of the book I'd found, Dr. Kharazzian. This wasn't just a coincidence, but I believe a confirmation from the Lord, that I was on the right track. I bought the book, read it from cover to cover in a weekend, went to a seminar, and made an appointment to see this doctor as soon as possible.

In the meantime, I began to get a head start and put some of the treatment in action myself, mainly going completely gluten-free for life. At this point the thyroid hormone I was taking wasn't making a significant difference, and I would have ingested anything if I was assured it would help. Giving up gluten was really the least of my worries.

My doctor would describe the necessity of this change in a visually helpful way. Thyroid stimulating hormones are like passengers looking for taxis. The carriers of these hormones are like little taxis that take the hormones to the various body systems that utilize them. The thyroid antibodies (this is were the autoimmune aspect comes into play) are like terrorists who are hijacking the taxi cabs and eating away at the thyroid, so that the hormones can't get where they need to go. The standard treatment is to supplement with hormones so that they have a greater chance of flagging down the taxis, but this method does not address the problem of the terrorist action. The terrorists keep multiplying as a result of a faulty immune response. You can either keep upping the thyroid hormones in order to try and counteract the terrorism, or you can address the immune system so that the the terrorists (antibodies) will dwindle in numbers.

Although the former scenario works for a while, this autoimmune condition left unattended can lead to spleen problems, leading to weight gain in the stomach and thigh area. It can also lead to other autoimmune issues such as cancer, diabetes, lupus, MS, rheumatoid arthritis, and the like. While you can never completely turn off the autoimmune response once it has been turned on, it can, in fact, be managed and maintained, reversing the pervasive antibody problem.

Oh, and how does gluten play into this scenario, you ask? (Get ready to get a little more scientific... ) Gluten and thyroid stimulating hormones have a very similar molecular structure. Therefore, if there is gluten roaming around in my blood stream, the thyroid antibodies will multiply in response. If it is my goal to heal my immune response, reduce antibodies, and avoid the development of other autoimmune diseases in the future, I needed to provide the right conditions. Gluten can stay in one's bloodstream for up to six months, so it's an all or nothing decision.

Well, au revoir gluten... it's been good knowing you, but being healthy is better than you taste.

(**These thoughts are my current understanding of my health issues. I am definitely not a medical professional... please let me know if you think I may have misstated anything. Thanks!)

The Spit Take

2011-08-16T09:47:00.000-07:00

(For those of you who have impeccable manners, I do apologize for this post.)

Part of "A Journey to Charis"

Lately, Joshua has been practicing prat falls to add to his comedic arsenal. He is getting pretty believable, too, as there have been many times I have run to the sliding door to make sure he is okay, after hearing the crash of his scooter ripping across the pavement, followed by groans of pain. Just practicing, he'll say.

Yesterday, we were at the park, and Josh launched a projectile of water at the drinking fountain. His eyes locked on mine, wondering if I would call him out on it. Instead, I told him he should learn how to do a 'spit take.'

What's that, he asked.

It's a comedy gag... you know, like a prat fall or a pie in the face. One of the characters will say something funny or shocking just when the other character is taking a drink, and then he'll spit it out all over the first character.

Oh ya! And he and his brother started working on their delivery. Then I showed them some proper mouth formation to make a really fine mist. You can cover far more area that way. We laughed so hard.

Later that evening, I was recalling the time I accidentally did a spit take on Patrick. We were on our honeymoon, married a mere few days. Driving through Santa Cruz, we came to a signal, and I took a huge swig of water out of a bottle. I have no idea what struck me funny at that precise moment in time, but it must have been hilarious, because I turned and spit the entire mouthful all over Patrick's face (in a super fine mist, I might add). What made it even more amusing was his reaction. He just sat there, his expression completely unchanged, with large drops of water dripping of his face and onto his shirt. The pedestrians looked on with puzzled expressions, in utter amazement. And I was laughing so hard I thought my sides would split. Patrick wiped his face on his shirt sleeve, the light changed and he just kept driving. I tried to stifle my laughter through my nose, but his straight man response just made it that much more funny.

As we were saying goodnight, yesterday, I said I was so sorry for spitting all over him.

No, you're not, he replied. And I started giggling until I fell asleep.

While this may not seem like a big deal, to me it is an evidence of God's grace. It is evidence that my body is healing and I am conquering depression. I can laugh at the present and the days to come. And I am so thankful for that... even if it takes silly things like 'spit takes' to realize it.

The Missing Piece

2011-08-14T12:14:00.000-07:00

Image by Stephen Richer

Scaling the Mountain: Part 1

Part of "A Journey to Charis"

Months passed. My physical symptoms continued to worsen, and the depression and anxiety swings became more profound.

I think it's time to talk about the elephant in the room so to speak, said my naturopath. I think you are suffering clinincal depression and possibly an anxiety disorder.

That was probably true, I admitted.

I left the office with more lab work to check my cortisol levels and my thyroid, since he was "keeping an eye on it." A prescription for Lexapro also stared back up at me.

After I got the lab work done, I sat in the WalMart parking lot wondering if it was wise to start an SSRI... a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, a common type of antidepressant. I certainly didn't have any objection if that was the answer, yet I felt quite uncertain for some reason. On the other hand, I was desperate for relief, and this could be my solution. Praying about it, I felt peace about "wait." So I did just that, and waited until my lab results came in. I felt as if God were causing me to hesitate for some reason... perhaps there was another plan.

A few days later, my nurse called. We need you to come in today and pick up some NatureThroid, she divulged. You have a common form of hypothyroidism.

I went in feeling anxious, as this was not a scenario I had given any extensive research. Paying for a small bottle of thyroid hormones, I asked if this was Hashimoto's and if I would have to take these pills for the rest of my life. Yes, that was the standard treatment.

On one hand I felt relieved, finally discovering another piece to the puzzle, yet on the other, I felt overwhelmed. I wasn't sure what Hashimoto's thyroiditis even was. Another strange cousin to join my family of beleaguering ailments.

Over the days to come, I began researching and asking questions. There were many friends and relatives of friends who had had experience with the disease. Some said, Oh it's an easy fix... you just take a little pill every morning. Others had developed cancer or had their thyroid removed, after taking that "little pill" for a number of years. A couple were in the same situation I was in, symptom wise, and traveling the same frustrating journey.

Rather quickly, I realized that the "little pill every morning" scenario wasn't the magic cure-all I was hoping for. In fact, it made very little difference in my symptoms. I was in a full blown, polyglandular, auto-immune response. You see, Hashimoto's isn't simply a thyroid condition, it's a autoimmune disease... one, I am sure, that had been festering just below the surface for a while. Until I pushed my body too far and crashed.

Patrick held and comforted me as I began to accept my new diagnosis. It made me nauseous, and I wanted to somehow escape my body. As I grieved over my perceived loss, I decided I wanted to find a doctor who would not just address my adrenal and thyroid glands, but my immune system as a whole.

I wanted to go to the very core... to treat the root of the problem.

Purging

2011-08-12T09:51:00.000-07:00

"Jason, you need to stop growing. Why can't you just stay little. Why?"

"Mom, I have to. I can't stop this. I have to get bigger."

We have this conversation often, Jason and I. And it always ends the same. He will simply not do what I ask.

Last week, we spent two days reorganizing and cleaning the boys' room. I purged their closet of piles of clothes. Clothes Josh had worn, and then Jason. Last remnants of preschool. The end of small.

Purging is not an enjoyable task for me, but I understand that it is necessary. In the end it feels good to let go of the old and make room for the new. To make room for big and all the new joys and challenges it will bring.

The Name-Calling Edition

2011-08-10T07:48:00.000-07:00

WIWW #8

I found a vacation photo I'd forgotten about. Or maybe I subconsciously forgot it on purpose (did that just make any sense?), because I'm not sure if it really works. The outfit, I mean. I like all the pieces, but maybe not all together. What do you think? I also feel like my face looks 12 here... but that's a personal problem. Frank V. didn't call me "chipmunk cheeks" in 10th grade for nothing. I was much less cool back then, and didn't know how to properly lean against buildings. But now I do, as you can obviously see.

Jacket: Mossimo, thrifted; Chambray Dress: Tommy Hilfiger outlet clearance;

Skirt: Marshalls; Belt: F21; Shoes: Clarks; Necklace: Mervyns

Sweater & Shorts: Marshalls; Necklace: gift/Lisa Leonard; Shoes: Naturalizers

I think I'm really liking these shorts. They are like very short textured trousers. If I pair them with some black tights, maybe I can keep wearing them into the fall. I could even try some mustard yellow tights, but on second thought, someone might call me "lemon legs" and that might scar me worse than "chipmunk cheeks." Anyhoo... where is the best place to buy tights that don't fight you when you are trying to put them on? I don't enjoy fighting with my legwear. While we are at it, I don't like legwear I can see my reflection in either... they remind me of spandex which I already did in metallic royal blue back in 1990. I suppose I am very picky about my tights, which is something I didn't know about until just now.

Dress: Ross; Necklace: Lisa Leonard; Shoes: Marshalls; Non-Hipster Glasses: Costco

I wear glasses, and it's not because I'm trying to be a hipster. Even though I can lean against buildings pretty well, I am just not cool enough to be a hipster. These glasses are not nearly big enough to be hipster glasses either. Just to keep the name calling theme of this post going... no one has ever called me "Four Eyes." Probably because I don't wear them out frequently enough. I usually just wait until a person is within 5 feet of me before I greet them, so I don't accidentally mistake them for someone else. Anyway, I adore this dress... A. Because it is embroidered and 2. It reminds me of Denise, who owns the same dress in hunter green. It is my goal to meet Denise someday, and I would definitely wear my glasses so I could recognize her. I would see her from more that 5 feet away and call... DEEEEENIIIIIIISE!!!!! and she would call out LIIINNNNNDDDA!!!!! And we would talk and sing and laugh for a long time. And I wouldn't call her any names... except for Rachel maybe, because she likes that.

Snip, snip, snip...

2011-08-08T15:31:00.000-07:00

When I was in 4th grade, my teacher organized a career week. Parents came in and shared about their jobs, training, and day to day responsibilities. It opened up our world and caused us to ponder what we might like to do later in life... beyond "I want to be a fireman or President of the United States."

One parent came in wearing an apron, her hands full of kitchen tools. She must be a chef or a baker I remember thinking. As she began her presentation, we soon discovered that she was a "homemaker."

That isn't a legitimate career, I thought. That's what my mom does. Only as she began to describe her day to day duties, I realized she had a very complex and important job. I had never seen my own mother in this light, and came to understand the significance and intricacies of motherhood on that day.

Mrs. B's presentation profoundly affected me. At the conclusion, she took off her apron and removed a pair of long black handled scissors, and with tears in her eyes, she cut the ties of her apron. I think I gasped, knowing that she had just ruined this article of clothing. And then I listened, while with tears welling up in her eyes, Mrs. B said that someday her job would be complete and she would let her children go on to be adults who would no longer be tied to her in such a special way. Mothering was preparing your children so that one day you can cut the apron strings and know that they will be just fine.

Even though my children are still quite young, I am working toward cutting the apron strings... just a bit at a time.

I am trying not to be a helicopter... the kind of mother that constantly hovers over her children. Is that safe? Is he old enough? What if he gets hurt? Don't you want to try it this way instead? Hovering when I should perhaps be giving them a bit of space to learn and try and even (gasp) make a mistake here and there.

In the last year, due to my illness, I have not been the ever present mother. I was worried that they might suffer, being deprived of my input and constant care. On the contrary, they have thrived and learned, and grown without my hovering supervision.

I learned that Josh can write a 15 page state report... completely on his own, following his teacher's instructions with great diligence. And get an "A" on it. He can create his own unique style from his closet... and looking like Justin Beiber is ok. He can get snacks for his brother and himself, and they have never once come close to starving. Jason became a proficient reader, swimmer, and skater when I wasn't even looking. This weekend, his dad took him up to the park with his bike. No mommy there to worry about a fall. He rode with courage and pride on the very first try, and when I arrived at the park, he already looked like he'd been doing it all his short little life.

Concentrating so hard...

My baby J-bear is growing up.

There's my cute little Beiber!

The year has been a good reminder to me that my children are a gift, and I have been given a tremendous privilege in being their mother and raising them for a short while. But ultimately, their lives belong to the Giver. He has taught me to let go a little bit more, so that when the time comes, I can make that final snip, and I will gently nudge my babies out of the nest so that they can truly fly. They will soar into the future with what they have learned and the gifts they have been fashioned with, to carve out the life God has graciously given them.

And I will be holding the apron strings with great joy and love in my heart, ready for a new season.

But until then... I will enjoy these wonderful moments.

Vacation Edition

2011-08-03T00:15:00.000-07:00

WIWW #7

Last week we were able to get away.

So needed... the first time I've traveled in about a year.

We went up to Windsor, CA and the Russian River Valley area... so beautiful.

Praise God... I had a pretty decent energy level and many "good" days.

Peach Cardigan: Target; Pintuck Blouse: ??; Tie Shorts: Marshalls

Necklace: Pic 'N Save from my childhood; Bangle: Gift

I realized I have quite a few white blouses.

I think they are my favorite tops to wear... maybe 'cause they're so crisp and clean.

This one makes me feel a bit English (which I am) and proper (which I usually am not.)

My friend Jaime said she'd wear more white if she had dark hair... do blondes avoid white?

I got the cardigan at Target after seeing so many WIWWers wear them...

so comfortable, I must say!

(Did that sound proper?)

I'm really rambling, aren't I?

Tunic: Old Navy, thrifted; Shorts: Marshalls; Wedges: Clarks

I'm Irish, too, hence the interest in the sign.

I'm also Scotch, Dutch, and French while we're on the subject of my heritage.

We visited Chateau Montelena in Calistoga on this day, and it was absolutely gorgeous!

I posted more photos over at Little Snap Thoughts... enjoy.

Friendship & Hemp Bracelets: Fair Trade Stores

Rainbow Beaded Bracelet: DIY crocheted

Red Bracelet & Necklace: Restrung a thrifted necklace

My arm had a little fun, didn't she?

Patrick bought friendship bracelets for our whole family in the charming little town square of Healdsburg.

I thought that was pretty cute of him.

Well, that's all for this week, folks...

Sorry, but you don't get any up close photos of me in my granny bathing suit.

City Mouse, Country Mouse

2011-08-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

Last week we were able to get away up north.

This was really huge for me... first time I've traveled in about a year.

It thrilled my soul to see new and unfamiliar things.

I needed a change from the norm.

We drove through San Francisco, even though it was out of the way.

We wanted the kids to be able to experience the Golden Gate Bridge...

it was worth it.

The city fascinates you, doesn't it, Patrick asked.

I guess it really does.

I love to marvel at the architecture.

To watch all the interesting people.

To feel the energy.

But it only lasts for a couple of hours... or a couple of days at the most.

Because I'm a country mouse at heart.

What truly captivates my attention for hours is God's simple, yet complex design...

Trees along the Russian River valley.

Peaceful gliding along the river.

Parking the canoe and enjoying the beach with the fam.

The bridge that marked the 1/3 point. It was a 10 mile trip... about 5 hours with our stops.

We saw some spotted cows on the way back to the resort.

Patrick pulled over, because he knew I'd want photos.

Look at her muddy little legs... just like socks.

Are you a city mouse or a country mouse?