Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Kicked off the Carpool

Last year, I was quite the hermit.  I spoke to a small number of friends on a regular basis.  Friends who understood my illness and were willing to come alongside me as I sought healing.

I'm starting to feel more and more like myself, and I have been challenging myself to rejoin the land of the living.  Fitting back into society and participating in normal things.   Seemingly insignificant steps, but rather large ones for me.  Steps that take courage and faith.

About a month ago, I joined up with a carpool with two other families.  I thought things were going well.  I did have a couple appointments I had made prior to joining, so I had to ask to shift a couple of my carpool turns.  But they said it was too confusing to the kids and that it just wasn't going to work out.  They would, however, still be happy to drive my son in the morning, which was very generous.

As I processed all this, I realized, I'd essentially been kicked off the carpool.  I allowed myself to get worked up over it and I cried on and off for three hours!  Three whole hours!  I felt like I was back in grammar school and I wasn't getting picked for the kickball team, or someone was having a birthday party, and I wasn't invited.  Oh, the drama.

But it went far deeper than that.  I began to struggled with feeling accused.

You are socially inept.

You're needs are not important.

You cause problems for people.

You can't be trusted with other people's children.

You don't belong out among people.

You are pathetic.

All these accusations sticking to me... covering me with their lies and condemnation.

But I am reminded in Romans 8:1 that "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

And John 8:44 tells me "... (Satan) was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies."

I realized I was listening to the accuser and dwelling on his words instead of God's.  Have you ever had accusing thoughts in your head that begin with "You..."  Third person thoughts.  Friends, they do not come from you, they do not come from God, they come from the Accuser... the Father of Lies.  The one who is trying to steal, kill and destroy your life, not the One who is offering you life in abundance (John 10:10).  

So I am paying attention to my thoughts.  Taking captive those that come from the accuser and dwelling on the truth of God that sets me free.  Peeling off those lies and seeking His grace and mercy, as He continues to help me persevere through this trial.


TDM Wendy said...

Email me at Wendy at wendyhagen dot com
My aunt and uncle live where you do. next time we visit. Coffee Bean.Be there.

Cassi said...

So many of your posts I can relate to. Prayers on capturing the thoughts before they capture you.

hannah singer said...

linda, i love you! i have had such similar experiences recently, praying for you!
{reading through psalm 27 and praying was a good thing for me}

hannah singer said...

{also the posts you asked about are here:
http://aholeistodig.blogspot.com/search/label/grief love you!}

Cindy said...

I think you have figured it out correctly, the enemy is a liar and the accuser and he seeks to DEVOUR people. Stand strong in the fact that Jesus Christ is your helper, your strength and He LOVES you. He desires what is best for you. There will always be people who will do things that we do not understand, but that does not mean that you are falling short. We cannot allow other people's actions to determine who we are. You are good enough, you are adequate, you are a pretty lady with lots of abilities!
Have a beautiful, positive day!
Hugs, Cindy

Tamera Beardsley said...

Remember when you gave me the wise advice... not to listen to my critical voice within ....it was very sage advice my dear. You are far to wonderful to give it any credence! Much love my friend!!!

Karen said...

I can very much relate to this post. Thanks for sharing. It really helps to make me not feel alone or crazy for letting things get to me. :)

Em_J said...

Thank you so much! I definitely needed this today.

Colleen said...

Yes, I know the voice of the accuser. He has been lying to me lately about why I am STILL single. But I refuse to listen to his filthy lies, I will listen instead to the still small voice, which reminds me how dearly loved and cherished I am by my creator. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

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