|This post has nothing to do with tree-ripened apricots,|
other than the fact that I can't say no to them either.
Lessons along the way
Part of "A Journey to Charis"
About three months ago, I was sitting in my doctor's office, and he recommended that I see a therapist.
A therapist, huh? I looked at him, and in my mind I thought, no, I will be fine without a therapist. And then I reconsidered. Well, maybe that's not such a bad idea. I could at least give it a try. After three more seconds of very deep thought, I made the conclusion that I would be fine without one.
My doctor looked back at me and said in his mind... no, you really should go, I think it would help. And in addition, the therapist is trained to handle your crying. (I know this because I have the super power ability to read most doctors' minds.)
I silently reexamined my arguments one last time and told him out loud that I would go. Then he said out loud that he was
So I went to see the therapist whose office was located in an old forgotten town in a pink building formerly known as a bordello, of all places. I discovered rather quickly that she is, indeed, very well trained to handle crying. She can also translate me like a book, which I think is one of her most prominent super powers.
During one session I told her that I have a hard time with expectations, and I don't like to feel as though I have let someone down. She translated that as "people pleasing." No, I didn't think that was it. Her super powers must have shorted out.
Well, what would you call it? she inquired.
I just don't like to disappoint people. Much different from people pleasing, I'm sure, I told her, with a big question mark in my voice. She gave me an interesting look and told me to think about it for homework. Furthermore, she gave me another assignment... to buy a non-feminist book on being assertive. So I did.
It turns out that maybe I AM a bona fide people pleaser, and I need to make some resolutions about how I make decisions, what I make commitments to, and more importantly... why.
I had my first test a couple of days ago. I went to a school meeting and was clear in my mind about what I could commit to and follow through with. Later that evening, I found myself sitting in my sweet van feeling no sense of peace, as I had agreed to plan a monumental overnight outing in a very short amount of time. Where had my resolution gone? I didn't stop and let my sweet friend know that I would pray about it. I didn't let her know that I would discuss it with Patrick to see if this is something I could commit to doing, knowing full well that it would affect our family.
Fail... epic fail, I told Patrick when I got home. You know you have to say "no" to this, don't you, he kindly asked. It is not something you are well enough to do right now.
I know. And now I will have to un-yes my "yes," which is even harder than "no-ing" in the first place. Sigh.
At least I am learning who I really am, and what God expects of me. I know that His yoke is easy. It will just take time and fails to learn new habits and gain His freedom in this area... I'm on my way.
"Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."