The Valley: Part 2
Part of a "Journey to Charis"
Winter's chill and gloom gave way to spring's brighter days.
My mood seemed to be taking cues from the weather.
My body had recovered from the onslaught of cold and flu season and healed from a hernia surgery.
The future seemed brighter.
Brighter... until her sister came in on the evening train.
She wasn't too much of a bother... at first.
At least she was more upbeat and full of energy.
I could use her brand of caffeine just about then.
Yes, she would be a far better companion than her forlorn sibling.
But her energy and enthusiasm needed wheels.
She had an edginess about her that couldn't be contained.
She needed to get away, and she wanted to take me with her.
Like Thelma and Louise, I asked?
But I knew that didn't end well.
No that wasn't the answer.
But she persisted.
What are you doing here, she asked?
You'll crawl the walls if you stay here.
Aren't you just itching to get out of your skin... to go somewhere, anywhere?
I love and adore my husband and my boys, I insisted.
My life is entirely committed to them.
How could I even entertain ideas of leaving with this wayward woman.
But I was agitated.
I didn't want to be contained, and I had to keep reeling in my "bad" thoughts.
No, the answer was not running.
I would need to figure this out.
A lot of people have midlife issues, I reasoned.
I would just need to find a way, in God's strength, to navigate through them.
I was honest with my husband and he wanted to see me through.
It was reassuring to know he was on my side... we would work it out together.
I promise it's not you at all, I told him. I don't know what's wrong with me.
It's ok, we'll get through this, he comforted me.
But sister was jealous of our relationship and resolve.
And angry that I wouldn't run away with her.
She began closing in on me.
I'll make you wish you'd gone, she threatened.
She became nails on a chalkboard.
Her presence was constant and unsettling.
My body and mind became a breeding ground for hypersensitivity.
... especially myself.
Everyone and everything was out to get me.
I wanted to crawl out of my skin and leave the heavy beats of my heart and the disturbing twitches of my muscles behind.
I wanted to hide in someone else's frame.
Somewhere she couldn't find me... and I didn't have to inhabit my own physique any longer.
But she persisted, as a snake coiled around my neck... whispering intimidation in my ear.
Waiting for me to make a false move.
Waiting for me to see it her way...