In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.
I have never audibly heard the voice of God, but there have been many times in my life He has distinctly spoken to my heart. As I prayed the morning I would have my first ultrasound, I was given a very clear answer. I asked God to prepare my heart for whatever the ultrasound might reveal... specifically, that if I was carrying a Down's baby, I would have an unconditional, God-given love for it. The answer came before I even stood up, and it was two-fold. The baby did not have Down's Syndrome and it would be a boy... not the girl I was convinced it would be. The secondary answer actually surprised me more than the first, as this pregnancy (with migraines and stroke-like symptoms) had been so different from my pregnancy with Josh.
Indeed, the technician confirmed what I already knew, and I remember Patrick was surprised that I wasn't taken aback by any of it. It was one of many gifts God would give to me in conjunction with this pregnancy.
Other gifts came in the form of verses given to me by three different women on the same day. I wrote Isaiah 43:2 (from a beautiful mother a 3), 1 John 4:18 (from a beautiful friend struggling with infertility), and Psalm 18:2 (from the beautiful woman who gave birth to me) on little 3x5 cards and packed them for the hospital. These were such treasures and affirmations of God's presence throughout Jason's delivery as Patrick faithfully read them to me. I'm not sure how I even heard this Scripture through all of my yelling, but somehow the Word transcended.
And then there was the gift of the doctor who happened to be on call at sunrise on June 10, 2005. Not my normal doctor, but the one I had prayed for and God graciously allowed to be there... the one that didn't make me feel like a number or a bad girl. I know this will sound so bizarre, but he asked me if I wanted to see my placenta, as I was comfortably nursing my newborn. He called it an amazing home that had been so perfectly made for my baby, and I felt like in that moment he was affirming the blessing of life. I get tears in my eyes even thinking how much that meant to me.
I am so amazed and thankful for 2 adorable little boys. They are a blessing I never thought I would have. You see, I had a series of health issues in my 20's, and I honestly didn't think I'd ever be able to conceive. I had a few adopted friends growing up, and I was completely at peace about taking that route... something Patrick and I had agreed upon while we were courting. Recently, as we have been talking and praying about having another child, we have been given direction once again. Having another biological child is not in God's plan for our family... in fact, I would feel disobedient in doing so. No, this child whether unborn, or a child perhaps living in my own community, will be one who needs our family, and we will have the honor of adopting just as God adopted us into His own family.
And thus begins our journey to become Foster Adopt parents.
We will wait in expectation...